Forever yours

First Love Letter

He didn't know what to make of it as a lot had happened after that day and while now just when he had started feeling the blossoming of their relationship again, she had shown a cold an indifferent attitude. Just a few moments ago, she had smiled when he had inadvertently predicted their future together. She neither seemed hurt nor angry. He couldn't fathom what had caused her to end it so abruptly. Why hadn't she described further? What was she thinking about them? Was all that pretext of friendship just a facade as he had proposed friendship for the competition? Did it mean that she still wanted only to work in harmony for winning and only avoid undercurrents? Did he still not hold any place in her heart? Then why had she trusted him to be with her at the clinic? Why had she herself seated in the front seat? Why was she thankful that he took a stand for her in front of her father?

A number of such thoughts kept cruising through his mind but not one definite answer. For the first time he had self-doubt if at all he was highly mistaken in gauging her emotions, feelings, and expressions. He was mystified as to what to do next. No, he wasn't ready to let her go if she didn't want him back in her life but at the same time, he didn't want to force her to do something her heart didn't desire. There were enough people around her who didn't give two hoots about her wishes and feelings, he didn't want to add himself to that list.

He closed his eyes and folded his hands with fingers pressing the opposite knuckles "Bhagwanji, please koi raasta dikhao. Main Naina ke bina nahi reh sakta par main sirf uski khushi chahta hoon. Naina ki wajah se main bhi aap par vishvas karne laga hoon, please raasta dikhao".

The notebook, which Naina had given him exclusively for writing the stories fell from his lap with a small thud on the floor. His eyes fell on it and he bent to pick it up when he saw some paper jutting out from between the book. He pulled put the folded letter, which was slightly crumpled. He was perplexed and unfolded to make sure it wasn't anything important before discarding it.

His eyes fell on the writing and immediately lit as he could recognise Naina's neat handwriting anywhere, it was like pearls drawn on paper. The sizes of all letters in same proportion, and since it was in Hindi, all words were dashed overhead without missing out any.

He started to read and was awestruck as it was her first love letter to him. She had written it to him when she thought she was leaving for Vanasthali and that she wouldn't be able to tutor him for the headboy competition.

"Sameer,
Tum mera pehla pyar ho. Jis din se tum mile ho kisi na kisi tarah meri madad karte aaye ho. Lekin jab tumne meri madad maangi hai, tab main zindagi bhar ke liye tumse durr ja rahi hoon. Tumne hi dou baar mere jute bhi lautaye. Lekin main tumhare liye yeh formulas ke notes chodke ja rahi hoon. Shayad yahi tumhe meri yaad dilaye". (Verbatim from SonyLiv episode)

She had never given this letter to him, in fact he recalled how she had tried to regain her formulas notebook from his bag and in the attempt, everything fell out of his bag on the floor. He was sure, she had sneaked it back then along with the notebook. He hugged the letter to his heart as his eyes misted recalling those lovely moments they had spent while she was teaching him. His accidental last finger brush had made her shiver and she was flushed. While he wasn't much affected at that time, thinking about it made his heart flutter and a blushy smile crept up his face.

"Thank you Bhagwanji, mujhe ishara dene ke liye ki Naina ka dil kya chahta hai". With more determination now, he decided to continue on his love-embarked journey. He was completely resolute that nothing and no one could separate them, not even Naina herself.

With renewed vigor, he jotted down the entire narrative verbatim. He already knew how he wanted it to progress after the dreadful day but he wanted Naina to accept and acknowledge it first. After all, till now she had never uttered the three magical words. In fact he himself had stopped her eventhough at numerous occassions he had felt that she was ready to confess. But he didn't want to hurt her and hence had decided to confess himself first, assure her of his undying declaration before she took her step. But now it was time and though he was impatient to hear it since she had already silently acknowledged his efforts, he didn't want it to be rushed or forced. But rather, make her realise what her heart yearned and soothe away her worries. He knew that when Naina trusted, it was completely and wholly. He knew she loved him and had mostly forgiven him and also trusted him now but was hesitant in accepting it that he wouldn't betray her again.