Winter Flame [Book 4] | Pentagon ✔

Chapter 3

"You'll be alright." I said, crying now too. "I know you will."

"Why... why is it that even when you're hurting me so bad I can't get mad at you? If I could just get mad at you, maybe it'll hurt a little less."

I pulled him in what I know was our last hug. "Thank you for all the good memories. Someday, I hope you find someone who would choose you over anything else in this world. I'm sorry, it's not me."

Changgu hugged me tight, burying his face on my shoulder. I took in his warmth, his scent and everything that I had memorized about him. "Good bye." I said pulling away from him.

He attempted a smile, wiping his tears away. "Even if we can't be together in the end, I'm glad you were a part of my life."

I nodded and I began walking backwards away from him. Looking at him as if it was the last time made it hard for me to breathe so I turned my back on him and walked as fast as I could, my vision blurred my surroundings. I grabbed my phone and called a friend.

"Oh, Seungyeonie? Why?"

"Kele, where are you? Can we meet?"

"Are you crying? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I need you."

"Okay, but I won't be free until the next hour. Can you wait for me?"

I nodded as if she could see me. "Okay. I'll wait for you."

❄

I waited for Kele at the coffee shop near her college. She immediately gave me a hug once she saw me. "Come on, let's go to my dorm." She said. Kele lives a walking distance away from her college, so we got there as soon as we could.

We sat on her bunk bed. "My roomie won't be home til midnight, so it's okay to stay here." She said as she sits beside me with that worried expression on her face. "What happened?"

And those two words, that's all it took for the tears to come again. I don't understand why the more someone asks me what's going on, the more I cry. "Changgu came to talk to me."

"Oh, Seungyeon..." she rubbed my back comfortingly.

"Breaking up with him over the phone was nothing compared to this. Telling him face to face that it's overㅡKele, I couldn't breathe properly. It hurts so much."

"Then why did you break up with him?" she asked softly.

I shook my head wiping my tears away. "I feel like nobody would ever understand why I did it. Kele, I'm an idol now. There are so many restrictions, rules I have to obey. I have to be careful all the timeㅡbecause you see, this isn't just about me and my dreams anymore. It's about the dreams of other people in my group too. I'm so afraid to make mistakes because what if I don't only ruin it for myself but for them too?"

Kele pulled me close by the shoulder. I leaned my head on her shoulder and continued, "Everyone in my group gave up some things that mattered a lot to them for this. We gave up a lot to stand on the stage, to do something that we've always dreamed of and worked hard for. Maybe it all seems simple when we appear all sparkly and smiley on stage butㅡwe sacrificed a lot, you know. For my dreams. For our dreams." I closed my eyes, feeling exhausion washing over me.

"I cannot live an ordinary life anymore. I can't have... Changgu anymore. If I held on, there would be days when he'd ask me out on a date and I might have a practice, fan meeting, performances or things idols do; and I would have to choose my job over him. Again and again. When we'd go out on dates, we have to do it in secret. I don't want him to be my little secret. He doesn't deserve that. And I just... I can't spend any more time choosing something else over him. I know that I would just hurt him over and over. I don't want our good memories to be slowly replaced by the lack of time I'd have for him."