Lavender

Chapter Thirty-Seven

We all follow Jay into the living room, and two guys pass us as they walk up the stairs. I'm confused for a good minute until I remember they live with twenty other guys.

"So, what do you guys want to do? We have packs of beer in the basement and chips in the pantry if you want to throw the tiniest party in the world," Jay says, but he seems to be half-joking. "Or we can watch a movie or two?" He suggests as an afterthought.

"Movies!" Cammie and I both say at the same time. But Cammie plops down on one of the leather couches and adds: "But we still want the chips and beer."

To which I laugh and shake my head. "She wants that, not me." I catch Holden playfully rolling his eyes with a dimpled smile. But his smile doesn't completely light up his eyes like usual.

"I'll go get the stuff. I'll be back," he says and bounds out of the spacious living room.

Cammie picks up the TV remote and browses through Netflix while Jay leaves the room to get blankets and pillows. Which brings up the thought: where are we going to sleep? The storm has intensified and the news cautions everyone to stay inside. I peek through the curtains and watch the rain pound against the window and create hundreds of little puddles in the cracked sidewalk. I wonder how long the storm will last. This is the kind of weather I always dreamt of, to have as a background while I read or write. But they are so rare in California. They are more frequent in places like New York and Seattle, but my heart is set on the big city. As I watch the rain, I vividly imagine a world where Holden and I are a couple visiting the Big Apple. We'd become the ultimate tourists with 'I Love New York' T-shirts and visit The Statue of Liberty and eat hot dogs from street vendors. I'd beg him to take pictures as we got lost with every block we walked and dream about buying a penthouse in the square of Manhattan while we ate roasted peanuts in Times Square.

I'm so lost in the fantasy world I created I don't notice Holden standing over me until he asks, "Hey, are you okay?" I jump, shocked by his presence and look up at his cute frown.

"Oh, um, I'm okay." I force a smile and sit correctly in the chair. I was just daydreaming us being together and visiting one of my favorite places on Earth.

He stares at me for a second, then places the case of beer on the coffee table. He sits next to me but leaves a few inches between us. He wants to talk about last night and our future together, I can tell by the stiffness of his shoulders and his hands wringing in his lap, but he's waiting for me to bring it up first. I'm nervous and a little hesitant about discussing whatever we will become and if we should even be anything, but we do have to talk about it... later. For now, we're going to hang out with our friends and pretend we're not both anxious out of minds.

By the time Jay comes back with bundles of blankets and about ten pillows, Cammie is still browsing through Netflix. We all settle down around the black leather couch and complain about our synchronized tests, except Holden and me. I obviously don't speak up because I skipped classes, which I am starting to feel extremely regretful for doing, but I will make everything up on Monday when I'm feeling better. Will I feel better at all? I push the heavy thought away and briefly wonder if Holden didn't go to classes either.

"Okay, we have three choices: Scott Pilgrim VS the World, Black Panther, and Mama Mia," Cammie announces.

"Wait... why are there only three options? Are there, like, hundreds of movies on Netflix?" Jay points out and cracks open a beer.

"Yeah, but these are three movies I want to watch. And since we are the guests, you have to let us pick from these particular movies." She flicks her hair in a mocking gesture, making us all laugh.

Her and Jay bicker about each movie before settling on Black Panther. I already saw the movie in theaters, but I don't say anything as the movie starts. Holden wordlessly offers me a can of beer, but I turn him down. That's about all the interaction between us for the next two hours.

Holden watches me more than he does the movie, but I pretend not to notice. I do catch him smiling when I laugh every time Shuri or Okoye say or do something funny on screen and frown when a few tears escape at T'Challa's short-lived death even though I've seen this movie before. When the movie started, we were inches apart. But when the movie ends, my head is laying against his shoulder and he has an arm wrapped around my waist. I don't know who moved first, but I like his comforting embrace. He smells so much like himself, it makes me smile.

"I forget how good that movie is," Jay says as he stands up and stretches his back. Yawning, he offers Cammie, "You can take my bed and I'll take the couch."

"Sweet." She smiles and looks over at me. "What about you two?"

"Oh, um... I can take the other couch..." I begin to offer, but Holden shuts me up with a prompt: "You're not sleeping on any couch. You'll sleep in my bed, and I can take the floor."

"Okay..." I try my best to hide my excited smile; I love his bed more than mine back at the dorm. That and the memory of us sleeping together in his bed replays in my mind. Cammie gives me a smug smirk on our way to the stairs, but I pretend I don't see and walk up the long set of stairs.

Holden opens the door to his large bedroom and immediately switches on the light. "Fuck," he curses as he looks around the semi-clean room. "I forgot to bring the sheets and pillows from the living room." A part of me doesn't believe him, but he's been respectful so far; why would he leave them behind and bring up the possibility of having to sleep in the same bed?

"That's fine, we can sleep together," I offer quietly.

His brows jump in shock. "Are you sure? Cause I can just run downstairs and get them..."

"I-I'm sure," I stammer, and he smiles.

"Okay, then. I'll take the side closest to the wall... unless you want that spot." I don't miss the slight smile on his face. That was the spot I slept in the last time I was here. I blush and wordlessly shrug. "Cool... that's your side then." Smiling, he unbuttons his jeans and pulls them down his long legs.

I look away quickly, my pulse racing. "Um... why are you taking off your clothes?"

"I don't sleep in my clothes. It's either just boxers or naked. But considering you being here and all..." He doesn't have to keep talking for me to understand completely. By the time I have the courage to look at him again, he's shirtless and wearing black boxer briefs. My eyes run over the tattoos on his arms as his hand ruffles out his hair, then down to the beautifully designed labyrinth tattoo that nearly takes up his whole torso and the mesmerizing rose on his hip. I know he can see me staring at him, but he doesn't say anything. But he does smile to himself.