Lavender

Chapter Sixteen

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Wyatt asks on our way back to the parking lot. The sun set about an hour ago and a cool breeze has picked up out of nowhere. I have my jean jacket, but goosebumps still cover my arms and legs. I should have worn pants and I would have if I'd known it would get chilly.

"Yes, I did. We should do this more often," I reply with a big smile, but I'm not sure if we can do this often. When he isn't studying and hanging out with his friends, he's practicing for the basketball team. I feared we'd grow apart from each other and he'd finally leave me for his cooler friends. Not kissing another guy three times. Ugh. Is Holden ever going to leave my thoughts? He's like an infection without a cure.

"We should... but I bet you would have had the time of your life if we'd rode a few rollercoasters," he says, and I laugh out loud. We arrive at his car, and he opens the door for me like the gentleman he is. His smile is endearing.

"Have I ever told you how funny you are?" I joke and get in the car. The familiar scent of lemon and air freshener and feeling the shiny leather seat under my thighs brings a content smile to my face. He treats his car like his baby. Always has since the day his parents surprised him with it on his sixteenth birthday. Memories of him taking us out for a drive around the block for hours play through my mind, and I enjoy the twinge of nostalgia.

Laughing, he shuts the car door and jogs around the hood. He slips inside the car and starts the engine. While he swoons over his car and runs his hand over the dashboard to collect non-existential dust, I put on my seatbelt and text Cammie I'm on my way back. She replies that she's spending the night with Daphne. I'm typing a response when I feel a hand on my thigh. My mind immediately goes to when Holden put his hand on my thigh during class. My breathing slows and fire crackles under my skin. But when I look over and find Wyatt's kind smile instead of Holden's teasing one, my heart drops. I try to hide the strange disappointment with a smile of my own.

"I really have been missing you," Wyatt says, his voice lower than usual.

"I've missed you, too."

Wyatt's hand starts to go up my thigh in a steady pace. I wait for the spark of fire to ignite under my skin or my breathing to sow and get heavy, becoming all I can hear as it pounds against my ear... but I feel nothing. But when I imagine it's Holden's large hand. I try to shake the sick thought away, but for a terrifying moment, I see the black ink surrounding his wrist. Desperate to get Holden out of my head, I lean across the center console and press my lips to his. He smiles, surprised I caught on to what he was getting at, and cups my face. I smile against his smooth lips and am not surprised when he reaches across and undoes my seatbelt. I climb across and sit on his lap. We've done this plenty times before, but I'd never imagined I was kissing someone else.

Scared of the image of another when it's actually my boyfriend, I kiss him harder than I usually would. I fist his hair and grind myself against him. He hardens underneath me, but it scares me more than it turns me on. His hands go to my butt and he squeezes. I hear myself gasp and start to pull away like I usually do before it gets too serious, but he pulls me flush against his hard body, holding me in place. I push down the fear of getting caught by security in this empty parking lot and focus on kissing him. I focus on his open-mouthed kiss and his pink round lips that doesn't necessarily mold with mine. I focus on his hands sliding underneath my dress and hearing the curses fall out of his hot mouth. I grind my body slowly against him, feeling his hardness and imagining his long torso is filled with black and white ink. I smile to myself and move my hands down his chest, never breaking the heated kiss.

"Damn, Lavender. I never thought you'd let me take your virginity in my car. Now it'll be even more special," Wyatt jokes and successfully breaks my dark trance.

I pull away, my back hitting the steering wheel. I push my hair out of my face and look at his shocked expression; he thought I was going to let him take my virginity in a parking lot on the boardwalk. I'm not sure if I should be upset with him or myself for letting it get that far. And I'm even more disgusted because I was partially imagining Holden the entire time.

"I think I should go home. I'm really, really tired," I lie and climb back into my seat, horrified at my uncharacteristic actions.

"That's fine. I'm sorry about what I just said, it was stupid of me," he apologizes.

"It's okay," I assure him, and he kisses my cheek, mumbling an apology, before backing out of the parking space. I give him a smile but when we hit the room, it drops to the freshly vacuumed ground. His hand holds mine and the whole way back to the dorm, I stare at the inside of his wrist, imagining a jigsaw puzzle tattoo and the meaning behind it.

***

Wyatt snores in my ear and his hands are pressed against my stomach, his jean-clad legs wrapped up in mine. I shrug and murmur for him to shut up. He never knew how to be quiet when he slept over. Not when we were children and definitely when he's older and his snoring increased in volume. I want to shut him up, but I don't even have the energy to open my eyes. I fall in and out of sleep. One time I wake up to his face, and the next I'm facing the ceiling. Now, I'm facing the wall and drifting back to sleep.

"I should leave. I have a quiz in the morning I can't miss," Holden says and kisses my ear.

I smile and turn around and stare into his intimidating brown eyes through half-lidded eyes of my own. "Don't leave. Stay for a little longer." I don't want him to go anywhere. His body is so warm, and he smells like mint and beer, an odd but soothing combination.

When did he even come in here? Last thing I remember, Wyatt was holding me and snoring in my ear. I always hated sleeping with him in my bed, but Holden... I really like sleeping with him. He calms me.

"I wish I could, but I'm wide awake now and it's only thirty minutes away. I'll make it safely and will call you when I get there, I promise," he says, and I moan in protest and close my eyes. He chuckles and caresses my cheek with his calloused thumb. I open my eyes and blink slowly. After a minute of looking at his blurry face, I move my eyes down to his wrist. It's pale and bare. No jigsaw tattoo.

Wyatt. He's Wyatt. Not Holden.

Ignoring the twinge of sorrow, I lean forward and kiss Wyatt's lips. "Drive safely. I love you," I mumble against the pillow, and he chuckles gently.

"I love you, too," he says and kisses me back. He rolls out of bed, shoves on his shoes, then leaves the room quietly.

I turn back to the wall and fall back asleep, dreaming of cloudy ink on frail wrists and smirking pink lips.