love. sex. dreams.

• twenty •

Love and pain go hand in hand.
• • •
"I'll wait for you inside." Rakim said, unlocking the door. I kept walking on to see what Carter wanted. The last thing I needed was more drama, so I was hoping he wasn't there to bug me. He was holding a medium sized box in his hands.

"Hi." He greeted me when I stepped closer. Then he saw my scratch.

"Hey." I said.

"Dang! What happened to your face?" He asked. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, him right behind me.

"I got jumped, don't ask. And my apartment looks like shit, someone broke in." I explained.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry. You need any help with anything?" He offered but I shook my head.

"Thanks but I already took care of everything; I'm cleaning this mess up tomorrow."

"Okay. I'm sorry to bother you, it's just... I need to speak with you and I wanted to do it in person." He said.

"Sure. What's up?" I took a seat on the edge of my small couch, he was standing in front of me.

"I, uhm... shit." He cussed quietly. "This is actually harder than I thought it would be."

"What is it?"

"I'm moving. To San Francisco." He said. I have to admit I wasn't expecting that. I thought he would beg for another chance or something.

"Oh... is it for a job or...?"

"Yes and no. I need to move on and start over." He explained. "And I can't do that with you near, having a new boyfriend or whatever he is; I tried it but I can't. So I asked for a transfer."

"I understand." I said after a moment of silence. "And I'm really sorry it all went down like that but I'll always have love for you, please remember that." I got up and pulled him into a hug. He was so sad when he was telling me that, I saw his heart breaking all over again and I cared. Five years is a long time for two people, sharing their lives.

"I know you do." He pulled away. "I will too. This doesn't have to mean goodbye forever; I just need time to heal."

"You take as long as you need, okay?" He nodded, his eyes already a little teary.

"Here." He picked the box up and put it on the couch. "I thought you might want these."

I opened it and saw some stuff from our apartment, neatly packed; mugs, some books and figurines I used to decorate the shelves.
I grinned.

"I'd love to have them, thanks Carter."
He grinned back at me but I saw how he was trying to swallow down tears.

"Alright! I'll talk to you sometime." He headed to the door.

"Of course. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too Di, bye." He opened the door and let himself out. I lifted my arm and waived at him.

"Bye." I said as he shut the door.
I felt worse than I thought I would. Turns out, letting people go is hard, even if it did end the way it did with Carter and I. We spent a lot of time together and I can't just wipe away all the memories. I did get some more though, opening the box I took a seat on the couch.
It hurt me to see all that stuff again; one part of my life is over forever; I wasn't pessimistic or sad anymore. Why? Because I'm with Rakim and he isn't the new chapter, he's a new book.

🦋

"That is one cute mug." Rakim was helping me tidy up my apartment, I couldn't just leave it like that. I also changed the locks and replaced a few pieces that were permanently damaged, like my red lamp, which I loved. He was holding my favorite mug in his hands, checking it. It was the one I won at a fair, it had a cute baby goat picture on and it said fabulous. I won it when Carter took me there for our second date.

"Yeah, that one was most used over the past few years. Put it on the top shelf there, if you will." I asked him. We were almost done and assessing the damage, it could be much worse. At least I finally got rid of that jealous bitch. I hate arguing and drama but she deserves to be called worse and based on her actions, she is; just not by me.

"There, this is the last of it, I'mma throw this box out, be right back." He went out and I looked at all my belongings, finally back in place. Things were different; Carter finally found peace and I found love with Rakim. I didn't even plan it, I never thought that my neighbor would be the one to show me that life can be beautiful again. And since we're talking about him, I must say I had an impact as well. He was hopeful again, he believes; it makes me incredibly happy.

"There, done and done." He said as he stepped back inside.

"Thanks. Now, I don't know about you but I could use some food, wanna go up?"

"You readin' my mind baby, I'm down. How bout I go grab it and you take the blanket and those two pillows from my closet." He proposed.

"Deal."

An hour later we were already eating and watching the sunset. He was laughing at me because I was struggling with chopsticks and rice, it's just impossible to nail it when there is too much soy sauce on it.

"How's your cheek? Feel any better?" He asked me.

"Your ointment does wonders, thank your grandmother in my name; feels much better." I smiled a little. It hurt way less than before but I wasn't gonna risk moving my face muscles too much.

"Well, you can thank her yourself next time we visit." He replied. At first I was confused, I thought I heard him wrong.

"What?"

"I'm plannin' on visiting her next month and I was thinkin'... I want you to come along."

"You're serious?"

"Dead serious. You can meet my momma and my little sis." He explained. I was just staring at him with a half smile on my face.

"You want me to meet your family?" I asked again.

"Yeah, I do."