I'm so bitter and angry that I can't think
Most days I wake wishing that I wasn't me
I'm bitter about who I am, how I had to grow to be
I'm bitter that I had to be depressed before my family knew what it was
I'm bitter because when I was discovering the world, my family was telling me I was wrong
I had to hide who I was becoming till I felt like a monster on the inside
I'm bitter because when I told her I had depression she asked if it was because I gained weight
I'm bitter that now that they've grown up suddenly they act like they never thought that way
I'm bitter because they don't think they did anything wrong
I'm bitter because I'll never get an apology or any remorse at all
They tell me that I hold on to everything that I never let things go. They tell me that I'm bitter and mean
Like they aren't the ones that stole my happiness from me
I'm bitter because my feelings well up on the inside till my head hurts and I can't breathe
I end up crying and trying to open my head to let my feelings leak
I'm bitter because I can never tell them how I am feeling
I'm bitter because they act like it's my fault, they tell me I'm angry or over dramatic or the time to be mad has passed. They tell me the fight happened a long time ago why can't I get over it, why can't I just forgive. So much forgiving I'm never allowed to speak. When I do speak they tell me my tone is rude, that I'm a brat. They tell I'm a bad person because they feel like a bad person so I need to forgive them
I'm bitter because I'm always on the outside
I'm bitter because it always feels like I'm begging for scraps of a relationship, that I'm begging them for love
I'm bitter because they have a favorite and even she acknowledges it
I'm bitter because she's always telling me to go away
I'm bitter because she'll tell me enough to get me worried then tell me that I pry too much she tells I'm too involved, too nosy, too judgmental, too clingy
I'm bitter because she's crying and gets mad when I care
I'm bitter because she takes her anger out on me, and makes me feel small but I'm not allowed to mad back
I'm bitter because he was my friend till he came back, now suddenly they're best friends and I'm left in the back
I'm bitter because when she's angry and mean, it means she's going through a hard time and I have to leave her alone. When I'm angry I'm ungrateful and rude and I should go to my room
I'm bitter because when she wants something she gets it. My knee hurt for a year before my mom would take me to the doctor, her back hurt for two days and she got it
I'm bitter because if I want my mom to do something I have to go through her, because when she asks it's a priority
I'm bitter because they treat me like a monster when it comes to food. They hide candy from me like I'm some sort of monster that'll gobble it up, but they would never let me hide something. They sneer at my food choices and are so fucking rude
I'm bitter because they tell me I'm annoying and I nag, because if I didn't it nothing I wanted would ever get done, they get to do everything. She wanted a huge trip within a month it was done, I wanted a two night trip I had to ask for 7 months.
I'm bitter because I'm so fucking alone, they treat me like an outsider, and I'm just so tired
I hate it I hate them. It's not fair, it's not fucking fair. I don't fucking deserve this. Why me? Why fucking me? She wonders why I'm so fucking bitter; because this, because I'm still hurt by everything, because every time I bring it up it's hoping one day I'll get a fucking apology
I'm so fucking angry. I'm so incredibly mad it's not fucking fair. I just want people who give a shit about me. I just wanted to have a fucking childhood, I didn't want fucking depression, I didn't want anxiety. I wanted to grow up and meet friends that weren't shitty. I wanted somebody who could fucking love me, I just wants somebody to love me why is that so fucking hard to find. They're my fucking family.
I'm so fucking bitter
