Unpredictably Yours

Beginning

Here comes the bride.

I once wished to be that bride.

To be his bride.

"Don't make a scene," Ara warned.

I shook my head. "I won't."

There's no use anyway. They're up to this point already. It's not like I'd drag the bride away from here para lang di matuloy yung kasal. May expiration din yung kapal ng mukha ko 'no.

I attended this wedding para matahimik mga kaluluwa nila. To clarify that I'm not depressed nor suicidal.

"Walwal tayo after this," She wiggled her eyebrows.

I sighed. I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. I just want to rest, but Ara won't let me off alone for sure. Baka mag suicide daw ako o kung anong gawin ko sa sarili ko. Mukha ba akong suicidal? Mukha lang, pero hindi. I won't go that far. Atsaka okay naman na ako. Matatanggap ko din. Wala naman akong choice eh. Kasal na eh. Ano pang laban ko dun?

Mahal ko pa siya, yes. One hundred and one percent. In a scale of 1 to 10, 11. Hindi naman agad mawawala yun. Pero masakit nalang siguro talaga dahil I once wished to be that girl. To be the one walking down the aisle, tapos siya yung groom ko syempre. Pero hindi talaga ako. Hindi talaga.

Kasi kaharap na niya yung bride niya ngayon. At hindi ako yun.

"Okay. Go. Kung gusto mong tumutol sa kasal, go. I won't stop you," siniko niya ako at tumango na parang binibigyan niya ako ng permiso.

"You still have enough time bago iannounce ni father na husband and wife na sila," she smiled.

I really, really appreciate that she's trying to cheer me up, pero wag ganito. Not when I'm still stupid enough to take the bait.

"Siraulo." I uttered. Pasalamat talaga siya nasa simbahan kami.

"Rei, I hate seeing you like this." humarap si Ara saakin. She held my hand too.

"Like what?" I asked, a little confused.

"Like you're about to kill the bride," my eyes widened in horror. I probably looked like I'm about to stab someone!

"You thought you were smiling?" tumango ako. Gosh. Hindi pa ba tapos? I can't take it anymore.

"I'll just go to the comfort room," paalam ko kay Ara. I was about to stand up nung may binulong pa siya.

"Am I not comforting enough?"

"Siraulo talaga." I mouthed and went on my way. Tumulo na yung mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I could feel my shoulders a bit shaking.

Akala ko talaga may pag-asa. Akala ko talaga saakin din siya babagsak. Akala ko talaga kami sa huli. Pero hindi pala. Hindi talaga.

Grabe naman. Kahit pa experience man lang sana. Pero wala. Ayaw talaga kahit testing lang. Kahit one month free trial lang.

Imagine? For three years? I almost spent my whole college life bugging the hell out of him. Yes. Bugging talaga. Sa ganda kong 'to? Naging stalker pa 'ko! Well ganun daw talaga. Kung sino pa yung maganda sila pa yung tatanga-tanga.

Tapos sobrang bumaba self-confidence ko dahil sakanya. Ang dami namin sa pila! Lahat maganda, matalino, talented, at kung ano pa. Anong lamang ko? Wala. Napang-iwanan pa nga ata ako eh.

Ilang beses ko din sinasabi sa sarili ko na titigilan ko na siya, pero tumayo lang ata siya sa harap ko at huminga ayun na ulit. Gusto ko na ulit siya. And yes! Mahirap siyang palitan. He set the standards way too high. I'd end up comparing the other 'guy' to him, and guess what? Walang makakatalo. Panalong-panalo. Maybe I'm just blinded by my feelings for him, but it doesn't matter. I'll choose him anytime in any way.