Do you ever feel like you have lived your whole life in a box and can't escape? That's how I feel today, trapped. Mama bought me a cake and my brothers sang to me. It was a birthday the same as my birthdays before. Just the numbers were different on my cake. I turned sixteen today. I don't know if I should feel old or not today since most of my brothers are older than me except for Jeff who is about a year and a half younger than me. Did I mention I am the only girl out of 9 boys? It is pretty hard to forget since I am reminded by them almost every day. I think my parents had so many children to keep trying for a girl and were disappointed every time when out popped a boy. Everytime, until me that is. My oldest two brothers Nate and Jeb, have been helping my father in the lumberjack business for the past 3 years. They chop down trees nearby and sell their wood in the neighboring towns. I always wanted to go with them when they left but they always would say the same thing, "You're not allowed to leave Bumble Bee, it is only work for men."
For the most part my brothers are nice, but their jokes and teasing do give me a hard time most days. I am closest to George, who is 2 years older than me. He sticks up for me and spends time with me outside gardening or tending to the animals. My other 7 brothers (Well actually 5 since Nate and Jeb are married) are a pain that I'll have to endure till some crazy women come around wanting to marry them. Nate and Jeb fell in love with two sisters when I was 12 whose names are Bethany and Penny. Thats when they started in the lumberjack business to support their new girlfriends. Bethany and Penny's family moved on to Prescott after their girls got married. I guess they couldn't stand the small town feel any longer. I can't blame them! Bumble Bee, Arizona was once a ghost town until a few families packed up their children and came to farm and to make a living there. 17 years later here we are with a general store, a small church and a few town houses. Our house is about 2 minutes from the general store and 2 hours from any cell service or fun of any kind. Not that I knew what other towns were doing, since I wasn't allowed outside ours. Every time I ask my mom why we moved here she says, "God called us to be here, Dani." I always hated that answer. Why would God call us to come in the middle of nowhere and have barely any friends and be outcasts to everyone else in other towns? So I am just living here, and am not too happy about it either.
After we ate the cake I went to the kitchen to finish the dishes with my parents. My father gave me a look that meant he was about to start talking about something serious. He cleared his throat and said, "Since you are sixteen now, your mother and I thought it would be a good time for you to take over all the meal planning and grocery shopping, as well as the laundry and most of the cooking." My father continued, "Your mom is volunteering more at the church and general store and we need your help more around the house!" I couldn't believe my ears! "You mean more than I already help?" I choked out, holding back my tears and trying to swallow the enormous lump forming in my throat.
"Watch your tone, Dani, we appreciate your help everyday but there is a lot of us and we all need to eat so I thought you would be honored at the thought of more responsibility and life skills that you will use when you have your own family!" my mom chimed in. "I have enough life skills to last me my entire life thank you very much. I don't need anymore!" I ran out of the kitchen and outside, big tears flowing down my face.
One of the worst things about living in a small town where you know everyone, is that if you go outside crying someone is going to notice and ask all about it. Thats how people are in Bumble Bee, they are way too caring in my opinion. They like to ask all about your business even if you lie and say you are ok. Thankfully, it was past dark and no one would be able to tell if I was crying or not tonight. I needed to see my very best friend, Aleese (my only friend I felt like at this moment!) Aleese was 2 months older than me and the dearest soul to walk this earth. She and I were inseparable. Her house was about a 5 minute walk from my house and as I walked I thought of what I wanted to tell her. My only dilemma was that Aleese's parents were my parents best friends so they told each other everything. I was always careful of what I told Aleese because she would sometimes slip it right through to her parents and that would get right back to my parents (normally the people I least wanted it to get back to!) Tonight I just wanted a friend to listen to me, to care for me.
I knocked on the Kenreys door twice and I heard their dog start barking and going crazy. Tom, Aleese's older brother opened the door and squeaked out awkwardly, "Happy Birthday Dani are you ok?!" I ignored him, looking for Aleese. Tom has always been awkward around me, I mean, ever since our parents mentioned setting up an arranged marriage for the two of us and he heard about it. I could never marry Tom though, even if he is related to one of my favorite human beings, I just couldn't do it. He wears big prescription glasses and never has been seen with out his work overalls, also I'm not sure if he has ever showered in his entire life.
After trying to dodge Mr. and Mrs. Kenrey and their questions about my red tear-stained face, I finally found Aleese, sitting on her floor with a photo album open. "Hey stranger!" I said. She jumped with surprise and said " I was just going to head over with your birthday present!! What are you doing here?" She quickly wrapped the album in tissue paper and placed it in a beautiful flowery bag. "I needed to talk to you." I replied, taking a seat next to her. "What's wrong? Have you been crying dear?" She suddenly became sad and wrapped her arms around me. "This is exactly what I needed, thank you. You know how hard it is living at my house, but it seems like it's just going to keep getting harder and harder until I or if I finally move out someday. My parents want me to do all the meal planning and grocery shopping as well as more of the other chores. I just can't take it anymore." I said. "I'm sorry, I wish I could help you more than I do. But mom and dad say I am in charge of all of the animals feeding which is a lot to deal with. I don't know what to tell you. Everyone is fighting their own battle, you just need to be content with yours." With that, Aleese hanged me the flowery bag and whispered, "Happy birthday best friend!" I knew I couldn't get mad at Aleese after she handed me a present as beautiful as a photo album with our memories, but I felt unhappy about her response and that she just wanted me to get over it and work through it. I came to the realization that I needed to get a lot of sleep and would have a clearer head in the morning to figure out what next to do.
Walking downstairs Mrs. Kenrey gave me a hug and whispered, "Your parents are just doing what they think is right." I was annoyed that mom had already called over to tell Mrs. Kenrey what was going on. Mrs. Kenrey could tell I was mad so she said, "Your mom just called over wondering if I had seen you and I told her you were here so she had good intentions..." "Yeah whatever." I answered rolling my eyes, but giving her a quick kiss since she has always been like a second mom to me.
When I got to my house I found my little secret stairwell that went up to my bedroom window and crawled in. I had begged my brothers to build it for me as a way to get in and out my room and not have to be asked where I was going. It took two months of persuading them. It wasn't until one morning, on my 13th birthday, my brothers showed it to me and signaled that it was secret and to not tell anyone else about it. I loved them for doing that for me. Tonight I laid in my bed, crying the night away into my pillow and thinking of all my unfinished dreams and plans. Tomorrow will be better. At least thats what I thought. Little did I know what the next day would bring.
