Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Mag wasn't sure how long she'd roamed this bleak, black, barren land. All she knew was that it had been a terribly long time, but she didn't feel tired, not even a little. Despite how constant her movements were, because of that newly instilled desire to be ever-changing, she never grew weary of walking. Instead, every step she took brought her more joy and energy than the last. And that was simply because, this time, this life was one she chose for herself. In that sense, it wasn't even really a punishment. Perhaps that was what it was meant to be, but Mag was starting to realize how subjective everything in life was, including Heaven and Hell.

Perhaps to some, Heaven was good and Hell was bad, but to Mag, both were horrid. Why? Because both were stagnant. No matter which one you wound up in, that was it. There was no more change or chance. It was what it was, and if that didn't reek of defeat, Mag didn't know what would. It just reminded her far too much of the slave-like existence she'd borne on Earth. Back then, she was forced to accept whatever happened to her without protest. There was no way she could spend eternity like that.

For that very reason, when her Judgement came, she had no issue with choosing a fate most would've considered worse than Heaven or Hell: the endless restlessness. To some, that endless desire, that feeling of never being complete or part of a group would've been a very acute torture. To Mag, however, because it was her own choice, she had almost found her own Heaven anyway. Her indecision was her decision, paradoxical as that was, so she was able to find happiness even in this bleak new world. And the constant restlessness, she thought, beat the stagnancy that would come with joining Heaven or Hell. At least here she still had the chance to learn, grow and change and it wasn't really the end. In Heaven, it would've been an eternity of worshipping God, in Hell, it would've been an eternity of being punished. Here, she called the shots. Here, she could still change her mind and opt out. Neither Heaven nor Hell had such a refund or return policy, she was sure of it.

So on and on and on and on Mag walked, but despite this seeming monotony, because everything was her choice and because she was constantly moving, nothing ever stayed the same for long. It was the very antithesis to Heaven and Hell, both of which were very stagnant. This Limbo, this land of In Between, was fluid and fluctuating, ever-moving and ever-changing. It was always full of newness, even if that wasn't readily apparent. It was like a twilight of worlds, standing right between day and night, though Mag did not know which direction pointed to dawn and which to dusk. All she knew was that she was right in the middle of it. It was, to her, analogous to coming to a fork in the road but instead of choosing left or right, the driver would take a third option and keep going straight, right down the middle. It was that space, that void, of In Between, in between decisions, ideals, sides, choices, destinies and eternities. It was that bridging gap between Point A and Point B. It was a spectrum instead of a discrete unit, and Mag loved it!

Perhaps to some, the indecision and uncertainty would've been torture, but Mag quite enjoyed it. It was nice to be able to have a wide variety of options to mix and match from instead of one set, binary rule or guideline she had to follow, or be told to follow. Back on Earth, she would've walked with grace and poise. Here, she could run, jump, skip, hop, dance, or anything in between or outside of that set. There were no limitations except for the ones she imposed. That was true freedom, even if it came at the price of living in a land as empty and confused as this.

But then again, it was like that old saying, not all who wander are lost. Mag was a wanderer now, after all, but she had never felt more at home or secure than now. Ironic and contradictory as that was, Mag had never felt less lost in her life even though the sole purpose of choosing Limbo over Heaven or Hell was to be ever-moving. There was no settling down for her now. There was nothing but fluidity and fluctuations, but that was exactly where Mag drew her stability. From the chaos came her peace, from the wandering came her "found-ness". She might've been "doomed" to wander forever, never settling down, but she did not feel lost at all. Instead, she felt very much in control and at home. It was nice.