The Nightingale

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Why wouldn't you tell me that it was Alexander assaulted you after Jack and I were taken?" Natasha asked after a moment of silence, a moment of studying John's shadow of a profile beside her, waiting to see if his eyes would close. When they didn't, she spoke.

"It was something Alexander needed to tell you himself," John responded, keeping his head still and his eyes up towards the ceiling. "It wasn't my place to share how he feels about you." Natasha's cheeks flushed at the mention of Alexander's feelings and the idea that John knew what they were, and the thought of now lying next to him when they were both away of how Alexander felt caused guilt to flutter throughout Natasha's stomach. Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her back, putting more space between her and John. She lay there in silence for a moment, listening to the alternate breaths she and John were taking, knowing she would never be able to fall asleep next to him with the dozens of questions running through her mind.

"John?" She turned back to her side, scanning his profile for an indication that he was awake. His eyes were closed, be he stirred and murmured something when she said his name.

"You said before that you used to think you could trust Alexander with my protection. It implies that you no longer do." She waited silently as John inhaled and exhaled deeply, and for a moment she thought that he had fallen fully asleep, until she saw his lips begin to move and his voice quietly breaking the silence between them.

"I still do," he replied, but Natasha could hear the caveat hanging at the end of his words, and as he paused, she wondered if he would open up to her enough to be honest about where that caution came from.

"But there's something else?" Natasha pressed, watching as John sat up suddenly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Natasha followed suit, sitting up quickly and tucking her legs underneath her, watching John, waiting for him to leave but desperately hoping that he wouldn't.

"I thought we were going to sleep," John sighed, still facing away from her as he ran his hands through his hair and down his face, a movement of frustration as his shoulders tensed.

"I need to know why you think you can't trust Alexander to be around me anymore. Why do his feelings for me make any difference?"

"For somebody who seems so talented at perceiving and capturing details of people in her art, you seem to lack that skill in real life." Natasha frowned at John's back, trying to ignore the way his comment hurt her.

"I only have this problem with you. You seem to determined to hide everything from me all the time." She inched forward on the bed, moving closer to John's side so she could see his profile again, trying desperately to search his expression in the dark. She could feel the anticipation of his answer fluttering in her stomach, the expectation of what he might say filling her with nerves she didn't think she would have. It brought her back to Alexander's suggestion that she cared about John in a different way than she cared about Alexander, the way that Alexander said he cared for her, and for the first time she started to believe that Alexander's perception was right.

"It's what's best for both of us, believe me."

"John," Natasha sighed, growing frustrated with his determination to avoid answering her question. She reached towards him in the dark, letting her fingers find her chin to turn his face towards her. To her surprise, John didn't resist, and his head turned easily with the pressure of her fingers. She hoped he couldn't feel the way they trembled slightly as they made contact with his skin, and she began to pull them away, only to be stopped by John reaching up with his own hand, closing his fingers around her own. They lingered together for a moment before John pushed her hand down to the mattress and released it, pulling his arm back towards him.

"You should get some rest," he said stoically, slipping his feet back into his shoes. Natasha watched him as he stood up and started making his way towards the door, shutting her down and keeping her out once again. Frustrated that he was once again keeping her at bay, Natasha stood from the bed and followed him quickly, putting herself between him and the door before he could reach it.

"Why do you keep doing this?" She said, looking up at him. "Why do you always keep me at a distance?" She studied his face carefully, closely, searching for any clues in his expression but she saw none. He was once again neutral, hiding his feelings well behind a stoic expression and distant eyes.

"We'll be at Acalia in less than one week, Natasha. What would the point be?" He reached around her for the door, and Natasha had no choice but to move out of the way, otherwise she knew John would have pulled the door open into her in his attempt to leave the room. This time, she let him go, listening to the receding sound of his boots beyond the door now closed between them. When she could no longer hear his footsteps, she turned, but instead of going back to the bed, she returned to her seat on the floor at the back of the room to look up at the stars.

Without even saying it, Natasha now understood exactly how John felt about her and why he kept himself at a distance from her. He was right. There was never any intention of John accompanying her once they reached Acalia. Their agreement was John would bring her there, buy beyond their arrival, Natasha's expectations were that she would be on her own. No matter what John felt towards her, nor what she may feel towards him, in a matter of days they would be going their separate ways, and John was right. What would be the point?

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A/N: I didn't realize how short this chapter was when I first wrote it, but I've been so swamped I literally haven't even opened my laptop in about 4 days. And I miss writing but I do not have the time or energy this week. :/

Also, I did not move on to the Wattys Shortlist, and I'm admittedly a little bummed (who wouldn't be?) but I'm also still super grateful that I made it to the Longlist in the first place, especially with this being my first serious story on Wattpad. It was still a huge honor to even make it onto that list, and I'm looking forward to entering again next year! :)

So thank you to everyone who's read or voted, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story! :)

PS! Happy National Talk Like A Pirate Day!