Revival ⚬ Barry Allen [2]

21. Dwellings of the Past

Raven's POV

"You can't just do that, Raven!" Barry shouts as all of us enter the cortex, his eyes directed at me. He pauses a moment after yelling the phrase, realizing how angry he had sounded. "You can't just race out of here like that...not after what just happened to you."

I slide my gloves off and throw them to the side, my mind spinning still with what Killer Frost had reminded me of. "I'm fine, Barry. Cisco said I'm completely healthy and normal again. Just because of whatever Alchemy and Savitar did to me doesn't mean that I can't still help-"

"But it means that you still need to be cautious," Barry sighs. I knew that he wasn't mad at me for racing out there; he was just worried about my safety, especially since he's on the bench and can't help.

"I don't think you're the one who needs to be preaching about caution," Cisco mumbles under his breath as he walks over to one of the computer panels. Barry tries to fire back a reply, but before he can, Cisco is flashing a camera view of Caitlin in the pipeline up onto the screen. "We put her in the pipeline for now. Not much we can do until she wakes up. If you need me, I'll be in my workshop."

Cisco quickly snags his glasses from the table before turning and leaving, Iris' eyes following him in a longingly manner. She quickly glances back to Barry and I as she starts to head for the door. "I'll go talk to him. Let me know when Caitlin wakes up, okay?"

"Will do," Barry says as she leaves the room, leaving the two of us alone once again. Silence fills the air as I throw myself into a nearby chair, placing my head into my hands. All I could see in my mind was Killer Frost; the one from my earth that is. I could see and remember how her eyes rolled back into her head as I had thrusted that icicle further into her, killing her. I killed her...not Zoom, not her own stupidity...but me.

"I heard what Caitlin said," Barry says faintly, his eyes glued to the floor. My stomach twists into a knot. I wasn't prepared to talk to him about it. "About Killer Frost...on your earth. Is it true? You killed her?"

"Of course I killed her," I shout suddenly, something snapping like a twig inside of my mind. "I shoved that icicle further into her, and I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel any remorse, not sadness, not anything. Just relief...relief that she was finally dead. I had hated her for so long, and I felt pride for being the one to end her life."

Barry seems taken aback, but he quickly shakes his head. "Raven, it's okay-"

"No, it's not okay!" I scream again, thrusting myself upwards from the chair I had been sitting in. "You don't get it, Barry. You always tell me that everything that I had done up until I met you wasn't me; that it was Hunter that was in my head. But that's not true. I might have been influenced by him, but it was still me that thrusted that icicle into her; it was still me who murdered countless people back on my earth. And the sad thing is...I did it on my own. Hunter wasn't there all of the time to put the thought into my head...I did it. I killed her, and I killed so many innocent people, Barry. You don't understand what it's like to have that memory plastered into your mind. I wish so badly that I could take it back, but I can't. I ruined so many lives..and it was all my fault."