LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Three

TASNEEM

Days flew by and before you could say Jack  Robinson it's  already  two days to resumption day. I don't know how to feel in  a situation like this where I want to get away from Umma and the pain she is causing me and on the other hand I don't want to leave home because I'll be saying  bye bye to good  food.  Going back means meeting the senior bullies. Even though beating had been banned, I'd prefer to be bullied physically than emotionally wise. It hurts me to not be able to get away from pain no matter how hard I try.

Abba told us that  we will be visiting our relatives so we should dress in a nice attire.  I brought out  my favorite  gown which is made of a nicely patterned  Ankara and went into the bathroom to take my bath. Coming  out after a few minutes I was met with a replaced ugly looking gown which was sewn haphazardly  by a trainee tailor.  I hated that dress right from the moment it was  given to me by umma  few months back.

I know she was the one that replaced my beautiful  gown with  this ugly dress. I have to wear it if I really want to go out so I had no choice than to wear it trying hard not to cry or show my internal turmoil.

God  bless Abba 's soul!  The moment he sets his eyes on me he frowned  deeply. " Tasneem  what is this you're wearing?  Can't you see that everyone is nicely dressed?  Have you forgotten that we are going out? " he asked in one breath. 
"umma  chose  this outfit for me " I squeaked out waiting for her slap to land  on my face.  I knew what exactly will happen. She will either say that she wasn't the one who brought it out for me that I lied for cover or start shouting and making unnecessary  fuss about  it saying that Abba is over pampering  me and what not.  I told you earlier that my mom is a nice woman right?  She is a nice woman to people, outsiders and her three great kids with me and Abba exempted.

" Binta this is not fair. You should know that you'll account for all your misdeeds against this girl on the day of reckoning. I've been trying to show  you the right path since forever  but you never  take heed" Abba sadly stated looking at umma with an angry expression on his face. Turning back to me he gently said  "Go and change mamana and make haste  about it " I almost tripped out of excitement to change.  I know that I'm  going to face Umma's wrath after we come back but it doesn't  matter, all that matters is that I'll get to wear my nice dress and look decent and chick like my siblings.

We went to my maternal grandparents house first and grandpa couldn't  shut up about how proud he is of umma. Would he still be this proud of her if he comes to know about  how she is treating me? I mused while looking at him, showing  that I'm  religiously following the conversation  while it is the other way round. My ears are getting sore listening to  him sing praises of my worst nightmare.   After an hour, we left to visit other houses where some relatives shower  me with goodwill and prayers. Telling me to read hard and make them proud. Giving me a token of money or some provision. I will bow down a little and thank them with a smile on my face  before we leave.

Aunty Hadiza's house is the last stop. She was so ecstatic to see us she couldn't  contain her joy. After some pleasantries were made. Abba left us there saying  he will come back after ishaa to pick us.  I packaged all my fears and worries and threw them in a dustbin before joining Aunty  Hadiza in the kitchen to help her prepare a delicious dinner for us.  I am a different  person when I am with her, she has no issue of her own  hence her love for children so she treats us like the children she never had. I am her favorite though, because she tells me that whenever  she gets the chance.

"Tasneem sarkin miskilanci!  Yau ma baza kimin hirar ba?  (Seriously  how do I translate this in English?)  Aunty Hadiza made reference to my quite attitude asking whether I am not  going to gist her today.