Parker

Chapter 20: Aggie

It was alarmingly different from her attitude at the beginning of that summer.  She remembered that day, still-when everything had begun to change.  The day she had been feeling so alone and so hollow, and how strangely inciting the ocean had looked when she sat on the edge of the railing.  "Come closer," the voice had said, "closer, closer, closer."  It hadn't been until she got home that evening that she realized; the voice had been Mira's.  It had been buried in the back of her subconscious, telling her to join her.  That the world was far too dark a place alone.  That all she had to do was lean forward, and it would all be over.

If it weren't for Parker, she would be at the bottom of the ocean right now.  And as if saving her from plunging to her death wasn't enough, he had saved her from everything else as well.  From the numbness that crept up her throat and into her mind-telling her than nothing really mattered.  From the lonely hole in her heart that her sister had left.  She would never be able to fill it in completely, but he certainly mended a large chunk of it.  She wondered if she would ever tell him just how bad -off she had been at the beginning of the summer.  Maybe he already knew.

Parker opened one tired eye and smiled once it settled on her.  Then he pulled her against his chest and tucked her head underneath his chin.  They stayed like that in silence for another moment.  The air felt quiet and surreal as if she were in a dream and even uttering a single sound might break it.

"I'm...umm..." he began, breaking the silence.  He cleared his throat awkwardly, "I'm glad this happened.  Really glad."

"Me too," she said

It was a while before they finally got up.  She had texted her father telling him that she was crashing at a girlfriend's house (not that she actually had any of those). Parker had told his mother that he was staying the night at Heath's.  He didn't work until noon, so there was no real rush.

Two hours later, they walked into the coffee shop hand in hand.  Her hair was a mess and her lipstick was smudged.  She noticed a few eyes lingering as they stood at the counter.  She couldn't blame them, everything about her appearance screamed 'the morning after'.  But she didn't care.  The only eyes that mattered were his.  And they were staring down at her adoringly as his thumb stroked her hand. 

He dropped her off at her house, and she promised to meet him at the lighthouse later that afternoon.

As Aggie walked up her driveway, she wore a smile that she was unable to wipe away.  The past twenty-four hours had been like a dream.  She tried to remember the last time she had been so happy.  It must have been before Mira died.  Possibly longer.

She walked through her front door carrying her heels in one hand and her coffee in the other.

Little Georgina jumped at her feet as she walked down the hallway to her room.  She was glad to find that no one was home.  She had no interest in explaining her state of appearance to Georgina, let alone her father.  This would give her some time to take a shower and get cleaned up before they got home.

But when she reached her room she found herself lying down on her bed, exhausted and elated. She gazed around her room, noting what a complete mess it had become.  She still hadn't unpacked her suitcase or done a single load of laundry since she arrived.  Most of her clothing resembled black rags when they weren't being worn, and they were scattered over her desk and armchair.  The floor was littered with books, some with torn out pages which she either hadn't liked or had wanted to remember for some reason or another.  Despite the fact that she loved books, she never took very good care of them.

Aside from one, at least.  The one sitting smack dab in the middle of her desk with blacked out pages and one very disturbing poem.  The one that had belonged to her sister and was therefore sacred in a sad, strange sort of way.  She had read that poem over and over again.  Written it out line by line, trying to guess what each one was in reference to, trying to decipher what Mira had been trying to say in those dark cryptic words.

She got the sudden urge to open it once more.  To read each line carefully, comparing it to what she had found in the cave.  Perhaps she had missed a line that had been in reference to a weasel?

Yet she found her muscles too tired to rise, and her mind too exhausted to think.  She had spent so much time thinking about that book.  She had spent so much time thinking about Mira.  Revisiting every memory they had together, every word she had said, every night they had stayed up laughing about nothing.  She would never have any of those things again.  She waited for the tears to start, for that hopeless feeling in the pit of her stomach to devour her whole, but it never came.  Slowly, she pinched herself, feeling the slight stinging pain.  She wasn't numb.  She was alive and alert.  She just wasn't sad.

It was then that she heard a slight creaking sound and turned her head to see that the doorway conjoining her and her sister's old room was cracked open.  She sat up abruptly, as Little Georgina poked her nose inside, nudging it open all the way, and to her horror, trotted right into it.

"Georgie!" Aggie screeched, but it didn't stop the dog.  She could hear her rummaging around inside the room.  Aggie hopped off the bed and stood before the cracked open door for a moment.  She could feel her fingers pressing against her palms until they hurt.  She took a deep breath and then opened the door and stepped inside in one swift motion.

Pale hardwood floors and clean white walls stared back at her.  There were four long mirrors lining the left wall, reflecting the sliding glass door, making the entire room even brighter than the natural light did.

Slowly, she leaned against the wall and slid down on her back until she was sitting on the floor, knees in front of her.  Little Georgina climbed in her lap and curled up against her stomach.  Aggie could feel her little heartbeat against her.

The room was so different than it had been when Mira had lived in it.  Aggie waited for choking sobs to crawl up her throat.  For an instant desire to scream and shatter the mirrors on the wall.  But it didn't come.

And all at once, the realization hit her: it was just a room.  Four walls, cement, wood, plaster, and wires.  That's all it was.  And the pink slip dress that she had worn had been only cloth and thread.  And the book that she had spent hours pouring over was only paper and canvas.

None of these things would ever be her sister.

And suddenly, it felt as if something heavy had been lifted off of her.  She looked around the room again, and finding that it had absolutely no effect on her, she laughed.

Aggie stood, exited the room, and waited until Little Georgina had trotted after her.  Then she closed the door like she did any other.  Then, she went to the Diary and put it back in the black cloth she had found it in, dropped it back into the riding boot and carried the cardboard box of Mira's things back to her father's garage.

A few minutes later, she flopped down on her bed, Little Georgina curling up next to her.  "I'm okay," she mumbled to no one in particular as her eyes became heavy and she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.