Deadpool's Day Out

Part 9: Operation: Clean Getaway

Alright readers, so to recap the current situation, I tried to attack two guys who were doing an ingredient pick up at the New York Harbor for their boss, instead of sticking a bug to their van and tailing them, like my companion Tabitha wanted to do.

Long story short, they each swallowed a capsule of Royal Flush (the drug that gives junkies super powers, and the drug that their boss, Black Bart, happens to make), and now they are charged up and on the attack. And my companion and I are huddled together in front of our van, quietly panicking and trying to figure out what to do.

"Any other brilliant ideas, smart one?" Tabitha asked in a sarcastic yet irritated voice.
"Actually, yes. But it won't do us any good, since we don't have a bazooka." Tabitha looked at me quizzically, and said "Who said we don't have a bazooka?"

"Back at the bunker I asked you what weapons you had, and not once did you say bazooka! I even asked specifically about a bazooka!" She smirked at me and replied "That means I never said no to a bazooka, doesn't it? I have all kinds of weapons in my bag, because at U.R.A.N.U.S., we have a motto, and that motto is-"
"Keep it clean?" I said jokingly (again, couldn't help it, that's what happens when you're group has a stupid name).

Tabitha sighed and said "No, it's always expect the unexpected."
She then reached into her black weapons bag, and pulled out a small silver handheld box with a big red button on top. I was going to remark at how the box looked nothing like a bazooka, but before I could she pushed the red button and it transformed into a giant bazooka right before my very eyes.

My eyes grew wide and I got excited. Maybe a little too excited, if you catch my drift.
Oh geez. *facepalm* I'm with Spidey, have you ever heard of TMI?
What? I'm just sharing my feelings. What's wrong with that?

Anyway, once I got over my sudden burst of excitement, I eagerly reached for the bazooka so I could start blasting. Unfortunately, Special Agent Buzzkill had other ideas. *smack* "Ow!" I pulled my hand back as she asked "What do you think you're doing?"
"Uh, I believe I was going to blast these guys away."
"I don't think so! Only members of U.R.A.N.U.S. are allowed to handle this weapon! You have no idea what it's capable of!"

Just as she turned away, we happened to notice that the super lackeys were floating right in front of us, staring. Apparently they got distracted by our arguing. Fine with me, because it allowed Tabitha to fire the bazooka and cause them to crash into some shipping crates several hundred feet away.

She then turned to me and said "Quick! Now's our chance to get out of here!" I quickly scrambled into the van, while Tabitha went to the back and threw the bazooka in. Then she got in the driver's seat and we hightailed it out of there.

I breathed a sigh of relief once we got far enough away from the harbor. "Man, that was a close one." Tabitha looked over at me.
"A close one that could've been prevented had you listened to me!" she said in an angry voice.
"I tried to tell you to stick to the plan, but oh no, you thought that was boring! Now we're not even close to finding Black Bart's HQ!"

I tried to give her some reassurance. "Hey, at least we're still alive. I mean, it could always be worse."
"Worse?!? Ha! How can it get any worse?!?"

Suddenly, as if right on cue, I caught a glimpse of two floating figures in the rear view mirror. The jacked up lackeys have returned, and by the looks on their faces, they mean business.

I looked at Tabitha in disbelief.
"You just had to ask."
At first she was confused, but then she looked in her rear view mirror and immediately understood.
"Shit!" she exclaimed.

She sped up, trying to get away, but unfortunately, a crappy silver van is no match for two jacked up lackeys, at least when it comes to speed.
And about 30 seconds later, there was a loud banging that caused the van to jerk forwards. 5 seconds later, it happened again, and Tabitha hit her head on the steering wheel *bonk* "Ow! What the fuck!?"