Holding My Breath ~ Larry Stylinson

Chapter 10

"ok, ok. Aw Louis I'm so happy for you babes." she hugged me again, her tiny figure pressing into my chest. She was so short that I rested my chin on her head.

"It's not easy though.. I feel like he's hiding a lot from me. And I have to keep on finding out his secrets on my own. Like, he's upset about a break up he had a while ago and gets choked up when he hears this girls name.. I don't get it." I sighed. I felt like I could tell Cher anything, just like she could with me.

"Talk to him about it." she said and I laughed.

"Really, I'd never thought of that?" I said sarcastically. "I do talk to him but when he explains stuff, it just leads to more questions." I shook my head.

"Well, start calling me more often, maybe I can help you decode him." she laughed and ate one more crisp, looking at her phone. "I've got to get back to my hotel now, but it was great seeing you."

"Bye, love." I gave her yet another hug and kissed her cheek. She stood on her tip-toes and managed to kiss my cheek too.

"Bye babe, love ya." she said, her cute accent coming through.

"Love ya too." I mocked her voice, to which she responded with a middle finger. I laughed and downed the rest of my drink as she walked away, saying bye to the others. She whispered something in Harry's ear that made him burst out into hysterical laughter. He covered his own mouth, shaking his head as he waved bye. I gave him a questioning look and he mouthed 'don't worry'. Cher had probably just made a cheeky comment, knowing her.

When we got back to the apartment, I heard Harry sniffling.

"You alright?" I called through the hall and into his bedroom. No answer. I walked through to his room and found him sitting on his bed with his legs crossed. He was wearing grey Jack Wills tracksuit bottoms and a plain white, skin tight tshirt. His eyes were red and puffy but he wasn't crying. He was looking down at a photo, tracing his finger over it.

"Haz?" I asked quietly and he forced a small smile. I walked inside and sat at the end of his bed, also crossing my legs. "You..you have to tell me what happened. With Kimberly. You can't keep leaving these questions in my mind."

"I can barely forgive myself for what happened.. If you knew.. You wouldn't think of me the same way." he shrugged.

"Harry, I love you no matter what. Please tell me." I pleaded as he put the photo down next to him. Hesitation spread across his face and he closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. "Please." I repeated, hoping he'd hear the desperation in my voice.

"You promise you'll love me, right?"

"I promise."

"Well.. When I cheated on her and she found out, at first she acted like she didn't care. She gave me back my hoodie, changed her relationship status on Facebook, told our friends it was over, you know what everyone does after a relationship ends.. But then a couple of days later she started calling me over and over, wanting to get back with me. Do you know how hard that is? I loved her so much, but not that way. I'm gay and could never love her the way she loved me. One night she started screaming at me, crying and asking me why I hated her, why I was gay." he started to explain and started to get a little choked up. I moved closer and put my hand on his leg.

"And she.. She ended the call by saying she wished she hadn't wasted her time with me and that she hated me. It broke my heart because I knew it was the anger talking, not her. She wasn't like that, she was a nice girl. So that night she went out with her friends. They said at first she was really depressed. She was saying that she missed me and was going to drink away the pain. So they took her to the clubs and they got really drunk. All of her friends thought it was time to take her home but she refused to leave. When they eventually dragged her out of the club, the alcohol had made her worse. She was just sitting in an alley way crying while they tried to get her back to the car park so they could ring a cab or something. Soon they got back to the cars and..." a tear streamed down Harry's face and I took his hand, holding it in mine. "it's ok.." I whispered and he took another breath.

"and when they weren't looking, she got in her car.. She drove away.. She drove for about 3 miles before she reached a country lane, a really narrow road. As you can guess, she was driving really dangerously. She hit another car and she went through the windscreen, landing against a tree. Then the car that she hit bounced off a wall and hit her, pinning her to the tree. She died a few hours later." his face went pale and I took my hand and covered my mouth.

"Oh god, Harry.. Harry, it wasn't your fault." I tried to comfort him.

"Yes it bloody was." he cried. "If I hadn't been such a manwhore, if I hadn't broken her heart, if I wasn't fucking GAY, then none of it would have happened!"

"You seriously think this is your fault?" I asked. "Harry, it's not your fault that you're gay, love. Kimberly's death is an awful thing, but you can't blame yourself. She shouldn't have got in the car."

"If I hadn't of broken her heart, she wouldn't have been at that club. She wouldn't have been so drunk. She would still be here.." he wiped his tears away.

"You don't know that. Harry you wouldn't have been able to stay in that relationship if you didn't love her."

"But I should have ended it, not cheated on her."

"Maybe, yeah. But this was just an accident. It can happen to anyone." I rubbed my hand up and down his leg.

"This is the last photo of her. I took it a few weeks before we broke up. Before she...." he handed me the photo next to him. She was beautiful. Her long brown hair framed her pretty face which was smiling down at the camera. She had big blue-green eyes and nice eye make-up.

"She was gorgeous" I stated, handing the photo back to him.

"I know.. But I hurt her bad, Louis. You're the first person since her. I couldn't trust myself, until I found you." he took my hand back, this time holding both of them.

"I understand if you feel differently about me, I really do--" I cut him off, pressing my lips to his gently. I couldn't believe how much this boy had been through. Yet he smiles a lot when we're in public. He just seems so happy all the time now. He's stronger than I thought.

****OKAAAAAY, So this was just a chapter to reveal the secret really. The photo Harry handed Louis is in the side bar, if wattpad isn't being a douche as always. Hope you enjoyed:)****