Please Read This

A Suicide Story

  Are you thinking of suicide? Stop for a minute, and picture this. You walk into your room, not able to take the pain anymore. You sit on your bed as tears are streaming down your cheeks. You take your backpack and put things in it. That notebook with your letters. Letters to your mother, father, best friend, little brother, and boyfriend/girlfriend. You put your knife/razor, rope, gun, pill bottle, etc. You take your bag and tell your parents you're going to your friend's house. You head out the front door, and fake a smile when your little brother hugs you and tells you that he loves you. You start walking to the woods, where nobody can interrupt you. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You didn't realize you had it on you. It's your boyfriend/girlfriend. They're messaging, reminding you that you have a date planned for tomorrow and that they love you and can't wait to see you. You text them back, telling them you love them and can't wait to see them. You tell them you have to go, they say they'll talk to you later. You tell them goodbye, something the two of your promised to never say. You shut off your phone and pull out your letters. You read over them again, tears running down your face. You sit your bag against a tree and sit the letters in plain sight. You take your knife/razor and cut. You stare off into space as the blood drains from your wrist. The ground and your clothes are covered in blood. It looks like you killed somebody. You think to yourself, yeah, well I'm about to kill someone. You debate which way to use. Meanwhile your boyfriend/girlfriend is freaking out. They try to call but you don't answer. They call over to your friend's house and ask if they know what is going on. They don't. Your friend calls your parents and asks where you are. They tell them that they thought you were with them. Everyone starts panicking. Your little brother doesn't know what it's going on. You know the pills will take too long, the gun will be too loud, the knife/razor wouldn't be enough. You grab the rope and sling it over a branch. You set it up and try to think how to get up there. You have an idea. You climb the tree and slip the noose around your neck. All you have to do is jump and it'll all be over. No more pain right? Wrong! Everyone is getting together and trying to find you. Your best friend, knowing you like the woods, starts running. Your little brother chases after her. You jump as you hear them yelling your name. The rope constricts around your throat and everything goes cold and black. Your little brother sees you first. He screams and yells your name. He barely knows what's going on. Your friend screams and falls to the ground, trembling. They knew it was bad, but they never knew that you would end it. They can't cry, just sit there in shock. They blame themselves, thinking why didn't I notice it sooner? Your parents run up, breathing heavy. Your mother finds the letters first. She starts bawling as she reads them. She can't believe that she just lost her baby. Your father hurries and gets your body down. Your mother calls 911, your father says you're already gone though. Everyone looks at one another and blames themselves. It dawns on your friend, who is going to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend? They send them a text saying to go to the woods. They get there and run over to your cold, pale body. They hold you in their arms and cry as sirens blaze around you. The next day at school, it's announced. The whole school knows now. Those mean boys and girls who bullied you, they think back on what they said and did. Your teachers blame themselves too, thinking that they were too hard on you. Your classmates can't believe it. Nobody can. You always smiled and nobody knew you were in so much pain. A few weeks later is your funeral. Everyone is there. Even people from other towns. Everyone talks about the good memories they had with you, even the people who were mean to you have something good to say about you. Your boyfriend/girlfriend and bestfriend don't speak. They sit there, all tears gone. It's been a few years. Your parents' marriage fell apart. They turned to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of losing their baby. Your little brother cuts and is bullied everyday for the same things you were. He's being lead down the same path you were. Your best friend tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did though. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? They can't love anyone else. They push everyone away. They blame themselves and cut. They say they should have realised and stopped you. Nobody forgets the child who was always smiling, the child who was always there for them no matter who. Don't kill yourself. Please. Somebody, somewhere, loves you. Whether you know who or not, somebody does. You are needed and there is somebody who would miss you severely. Ignore those haters and those who are mean to you. You are loved. You are needed. Please. Suicide isn't the answer.