The color of my skin

Most of my life I’ve never really been me, I've always been what the world wanted to define me as. From my dreams, the things I eat, the way I talk, the way I walk all of these things seem to have already been decided for me. People have a tendency to judge me way before I open my mouth, and all of this because of my skin.

Discrimination is defined as the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex. I remember when I was younger I would always be complimented on my speech. Now I never really thought anything of that growing up. I just assumed it meant I had a way with words. However, as I got older I was made aware by many people that I “Talk white”. Now I spent a lot of time thinking about this statement, “ I talk white.” In essence, it just means I talk proper, I don't speak in slurs or slang.

I felt that everyone who would tell me this had it already made up in their minds that I was illiterate, that African Americans were illiterate. That even before knowing me their already looking down on my communication skills, because I was African American. Not only that, but I was made fun of by the people of my own race for speaking like this. I was singled out by them, I wasn’t normal. People assumed I felt high and mighty because of it, that I was better than them because of it.

These instances only persisted in my life through other aspects. I at one point got dreads, I was really into the idea of having them. Once I got dreads however I took notice of different treatments I got. I was stopped much more often by officers when walking home. They would ask me if I had drugs on me, and give me the fifth degree on what and where I was walking to. I was assumed to be a thug by random people walking. I could hear them talking about me, or see them going out their way to avoid me. Something that never started until I got dreads. I never dress myself in any undesired fashion to make someone assume I’m a thug. Nor did I hang around that kind of crowd, yet suddenly I was marked as a common delinquent.

I am currently going through training to become a police officer. This process to me has truly shown the divide and prejudice within our society. I've even had family have a hard time looking at me because of the career path I have chosen. When I do ride alongs with officers, I receive a lot of slander from people from my own community. People of my own race call me traitor and a hypocrite. Friends who've I known for years who think I've turned my back on the black community. I endure so much hate everyday just because I’m a black man trying to make a difference in the world.

It's hard to stand firm and  be the person you are when everyone is telling you and expecting you to be something you're not. I always felt out of place in the world, like I didn’t really belong anywhere. I was always looked down upon and expected to fail. I always had the pressure of my appearance on my shoulders, trying to be a successful African American. No one expected me to get anywhere, no one expects me to carry the wisdom I have. No one expects me to keep going like I am for myself.

I fight everyday to erase these inequalities in life. I use my life as a way to show other people who feel the same as me that it is possible, that we can make it to the finish line. That society doesn't dictate how you should be, that you shouldn’t be afraid to be who you are. That no matter what walks of life you come from it doesn't dictate who you are. You choose the person you want to be.