Unnerving the God of Mischief (Loki Comedy)

Chapter 1

A/N:

First of all, this is my first comedy and I'm sorry if it isn't funny :) But I still thank everybody who tries to read it, I love you all guys <3
Furthermore, you all surely know the scene in the Avengers when Loki says "you mewling quim". I googled it and found out it is a reeeaally  bad word, so I replaced it with "you mewling mortal" (due to the innocence of some of my younger readers).

Just imagine him saying the it the original way if you don't like the censored version.

Woman_Of_Mischief

"..... so, here is where you're going to work. Your function is to observe him and to push the panic button if he tries anything he better shouldn't try. And please remember: DO NOT OPEN HIS CELL. It would be equatable with attempting suicide."

"Alright, Agent Romanoff. I won't open his cell, not under any circumstances."  I replied jumping up and down in joy. I would finally get to do something! The excitement was surely ruining what little effect my meds still had on me. 

"Oh, and Agent N...." 

"Yes?"  I asked.

"Be prepared. He is very cunning and knows how to manipulate people. Don't trust him and even better, don't talk to him. He will trick you to release him, that's why nobody wanted to do this job...."

"Why don't you observe him?"  I questioned innocently.

"I'm an Avenger."  She said, glancing over her shoulder and walking away.  I took a deep breath and opened the door to the room where they held Loki captive.

This was soooo cooool! Like, cool times a really big number!

Without hestitation, I went over to the control panel and pushed the big red button with the "DON'T PUSH" -sign. The door to his cell opened, and I quickly walked in and closed it behind me. Then I went over to his lifeless body and assumed he was asleep. 

I patiently waited over his head for him to awake so I could greet him.

Note: I am to volatile to be patient.

So I approached his face until we were only inches away and screamed:

"HI LOOOOKI!"   He was startled and..... Well, put me over my knee hard.

"Who dares waking the God of Mischief up?!"   He roared, still pinning me down to the ground.

"I'm Nerdellia. But how about you call me Nerdie and I call you darling?"  I asked enthusiastically.  He looked kinda..... disgusted.

"No, you mewling mortal! And now get out of my cell before I split your skull and suck your blood!"  He threatened unpinning me.

I got up and noticed he was so tall my eyes were looking at his chest. I reached out with my hand to touch his skin, because it looked so inviting and pale. I thought he wouldn't mind, but he did and pushed it roughly away.

"YAY! You're a VAMPIRE! Bite me, my Count of Darkness, the third! Do you sparkle?"

"Sparkle -  What the - NO! I am a God, you pathetic creature!"

"Then how do you want to suck my blood? Huh?"

"*facepalm* That was a metaphor!"

"What's a metaphor?"

"It means that everything I say I mean figuratively. To frighten you."

"That's lame. I thought you would really do something freakin' godly instead of just being like 'all mouth and no trousers'. Are you even worthy of your title? I'm sure they could've found a better God of Mischief...."

He approached me menacingly with clenched fists, about to explode and I knew what would happen now.

He would hug me ♥  So I headed his way and spread my arms.

"I knew it, all you needed was just a big teddybear hug....."  I purred and wrapped my arms and legs around him. 

"What the hell!?"   He yelled and ripped me away from his body.

"Why do you keep touching me, for Odin's sake?!"  He screamed and I cocked my head.

"Because you need love, and I can provide you with as much love as you need, my dearest prisoner..."

"I do not need love! Especially not love of yours, foolish girl!"

"But why?"

"Because I am an evil man and do not get emotional!"

".........."

"What? Why do you look at me like that?"

"Well, I thought you were a woman...."

"O.o" .......  "Why would you think that?!"

"Mostly because of the dress. Come on, are you serious?"

"You b - YESH, I AM SHERIOUS!"

"Then why do you wear a dress?"

"IT'S NOT A DAMN DRESS!" 

A/N: It's not over yet! They will have a looong talk about Loki's attire..... But in the next chapter :D Anybody got the reference from 'llamas with hats'?

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Woman_Of_Mischief