Dear Crushes,

Dear Sam,

I thought I was losing this crush I had on you, but when I saw you in the hall the other day, I realized I still want you. The crush I thought I was over, was just because I've been stressed, and haven't seen you.

I miss hanging out with you. I'm starting to regret quitting choir, it was the only time I saw you. You made my day so much better when ever I saw you. Even if we didn't talk, I loved being in your presence. When you laughed at my terrible jokes or showed me memes or used me as a pillow.

I loved when you used me as a pillow. I don't know why, but I loved when you did. It was always me too. We were usually with three other people, but it was always me.

The few times you randomly held my hands, were the best days. I had never held hands before you. The first time you did I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

Do you remember on my birthday when you tried to tackle me but couldn't because I was almost a foot taller then you? We ended up hugging for like three minutes. That's one of my favorite memories.

I love how you would fangirl with me over dogs, or listen to me scream about Brendon Urie. You could put up with my strange personality, and make me laugh so loud we got looked at like we're nuts.

My friends would tease me about you. You're the only topic that could ever make me blush. It was the first time they've ever seen me blush.

They convinced me to ask you out, so I did. I did it through text on a Friday, so I wouldn't chicken out. You didn't respond for a day. I was so anxious, then you said yes. That was the best day of the school year for me.

We never actually did anything. I was to scared to actually ask. I just left it. You didn't bring it up, and neither did I. You made me so happy saying yes, but not doing anything... didn't. I don't know how to describe how I actually felt.

After that I still wanted you as mine, but I didn't know how you felt. I was scared of your reaction if I brought it up. I kinda wish I had brought it up now. We don't even see each other anymore, so what's the point in bringing it up now?

I miss your soft black hair and sassy attitude. Your red lipstick and dirty, black converse. I miss your small body that was perfect for cuddling. I miss teasing you about how short you are. I miss how your only defense was how you're the tallest in your family. I miss the 'I love you's' that we said every day, even though they were completely platonic... to you. I miss the cheek kisses. I miss your weird ass personality.

I miss you.

One last time, while I'm here pouring my heart out, I love you, Sam.

Love, Rebecca