Dear Crushes,

Dear Sydney, (part 3)

11 months we we're together. 5 years of friendship before that. All down the drain, because of you.
You couldn't even tell me it was over. You fucking ghosted me and I had to find out you cheated on me through FUCKING TIKTOK!!! A video you posted about your long distance boyfriend, who you told me was your internet friend.

How long were you cheating on me for? Only those last couple of weeks? A few months? Or the whole fucking time? I should have seen the warning signs. It took someone pointing them out to me for me to notice, because I fucking trusted you.

You broke that. And you broke me.

I told you everything, gave you everything, was there for you. Would have done anything to protect you, make you smile.

Anything for you.

You made life worth living. The thought of seeing you make me literally vibrate with excitement. I thought about you all the time. I still do sometimes.

Then you went silent on me.

I'm so fucking tired of crying over you. But here I am doing it again, because a month and a half later I'm still not over you. I don't know if the urge to cry myself to sleep or to scream till my throat is raw is stronger. Either way you fucking ruined me.

I blocked you on everything because I'm so mad at you, but you're still in the group chats. So I try not to talk too much and I ignore every time you do. I avoid our mutual friends just to not have to think about you. I don't know if it's because I'm embarrassed or because I'm scared they'll blame me.

You make me want to curl into a ball and die.

You fucking betrayed me. I thought I knew you. I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought.

I hope I never have to see you again. I don't like being mean to people, but if I see you I'll probably start screaming at you.

Actually probably not, I've never been good about defending myself or anything like that.

So Sydney, my first love, go fuck your self.

Rebecca