Deadpool's Day Out

Part 7: The Girl From U.R.A.N.U.S.

My eyes widened.
"You mean like the illuminati? Or scientology? Or even worse, Pizza Hut?!?"
"Don't be ridic- did you just say Pizza Hut? What could they have possibly done that was so evil?"
"Last time I ordered from them they were an hour late! 30 minutes my ass! And worst of all they messed up my order! I specifically asked for Canadian bacon on my pizza and what did they put on it?!? Ham! It's not the same thing damn it! And I should know, I'm Canadian!"

I was kind of worried that I spooked Tabitha with my pizza rant, but thankfully she wasn't fully weirded out, just puzzled at my thought process (join the club, sweetheart). "Oookaayyy, moving on. I require your assistance for a mission. That's why I'm here."

I gave her an odd look.
"Why me? What makes me so special (besides my obvious awesomeness!)?" "Because you have a bit of a history with my target and his gang.
Earlier today you were hired to take out a low level crime boss, right?"

I knew immediately what she was referring to.
Oh, how could I forget that little experience.
"Yeah, Mr. Chung. He was easy, it was his damn ninja bodyguards that were a pain in the ass! My body will probably be spitting out ninja stars for a week!"

Tabitha continued on.
"Yes, well, the man who hired you for that job just so happens to be my target. And once I shut him down, his whole evil gang with collapse."
Huh. Small world. Too bad I have some bad news to share.

"Well if you're wanting me to give you some information, I've got bad news for ya. He had an assistant call in the job on his behalf. He wouldn't even tell me who the boss was."
"Actually, I know who the boss is. His name is Bartholomew Stolski, but he is known in the criminal underworld as Black Bart."

I couldn't help but laugh.
"Ha ha, seriously? Black Bart? Never heard of him! I was expecting Kingpin, or even Tombstone, but to find out the "big crime boss" that hired me was some unknown lame-o named Black Bart?
"What did he do, rob trains?"

Tabitha appeared surprised that I wasn't taking this seriously.
Obviously her intel on me wasn't very good.
"He's making ecstasy that has been ground down into powder and mixed with a secret radioactive chemical that he had some lackeys steal from a little company called Alchemax (Spider-Man 2099 shout out for the win!), and turning the concoction into capsules. Then he has his dealers sell it for 10 times the price of regular ecstasy."

She pulled out a picture of some capsules that were glowing a bright neon purple.
"He calls it Royal Flush, and it is the most dangerous, addictive substance on the black market."

"Just like video games and television, at least according to overbearing parent watchdog groups. Like seriously, don't those people have anything else better to do than trying to dictate what everyone else can play and watch? How about just focusing on your own brats instead of ruining everyone's fun!"

Tabitha had another confused look on her face once I finished my second rant.
"Uh, sorry, I got a little off topic. My point is why should I help you and your poorly named group interfere with people's choice to partake? If they want to ruin their lives with drugs, who are we to tell them no?"

"Because Mr. Wil- I mean Deadpool, this isn't like any other drug. When a person ingests Royal Flush, they gain super strength, flight, and start hallucinating-" "
So they're like Superman if he took some mushrooms and started tripping balls."
"Super who?" Tabitha asked in a puzzled voice.
"Never mind. Anyway, hallucinations plus super powers equals junkies doing some serious damage to the city."

"Precisely. But it gets worse.
Once a person has been exposed to the drug, they become permanently addicted. There's no rehab in the world that can cure them. And after 24 hours, they start to go through withdrawal, and it's pure hell. Severe tremors, high fever, migraines, and finally, a massive heart attack that kills them. All in the span of 6 hours."

Jesus, that sounds horrible. I've never heard of any drugs doing that. Not even spice.
"So what you're saying is, once someone's hooked they have to stay fucked up, or face a certain, unbearable death? Damn."
"Yes, it truly is a sad situation. So are you going to assist me or do I have to take you by force?"

Ha ha. Tabitha REALLY doesn't know me, otherwise she'd know that using force is one of my turn ons.
But on a serious note, I feel like I should help her.
Super Junkies sounds like a bad movie that I don't want to be in.

"No need for force, hot stuff, I'll help." Tabitha smiled as she said "Good. Now hold still, this will only hurt for a second."
"What will- Ow!" She pulled out a mini hand gun and shot me in the neck with what appeared to be a trank dart.
"Heeeey, whyyy isss evvverythinng alll raiiinboowww colllorrred annnd pooolkaaa dooottt???"
Scratch that. It WAS a trank dart. Annnnd everything just went black.

That concludes this chapter. I know it wasn't action packed, but I hope you all liked it nonetheless. Stay tuned for Part 8, it should have more action. Also, don't forget to comment and vote, and have a great day!