Finding Alex

Begining Of The End

Today was the day. Alex forced himself out of his bed for hopefully the last time. He laid everything out so he could do this before his mom came home to stop him.

He grabs his nice shirt and pants, changing quickly while grabbing the two letters he wrote. He nodded walking to the bathroom. He was finally ready.

Alex Cash was going to wait till he turned nineteen to do this. He wanted to see if they were telling the truth about 'it will get better soon'. They weren't of course.

Yesterday, the man he has a crush on at school, who also bullies the shit out of him, saw his arms for the first time in two years. The scars lacing up and down them, some deeper than others. The boy's name was Chase and god was he perfect. Alex didn't want to face him though, not after that.

Alex didn't have anyone. No friends, no siblings, and no family. His dad walked out when he was a 9 years old and his mom blamed him for it.

As he got ready for his final goodbye, Alex thought back to when he was 6 and how happy his family had been. He remembered the love that shown in his mom's eyes every time she looked at him. Now she only stared with hate at him. For him being gay. For him making his dad leave. For ruining her life.

Alex looked up into the mirror. He saw nothing but ugliness. His brown hair was pushed to the left like always and dark circles rested under his chocolate brown eyes. His collar bones seemed to stick out and you could count his ribs, one by one. To do that, though you'd have to get past the scars covering his arms and chest. Deep ones, shallow ones, new ones and old ones.

'What have I become...?'

Alex asked himself. He laid the notes side by side and finally began.

One pill.

Two pills.

Three.

Hand full by hand full

Sliding down his throat

He would soon be free

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20 minutes have passed and all his antidepressants were gone. A full bottle now resting in his stomach. He cried, mumbling every now an then, 'make me feel better.' He grew dizzy and weak. Nausea was settling in and he leans over the toilet. He tries to force himself to keep it all down though. He falls to the floor everything going black. The last thing he remembered was sobbing out a 'sorry' as a body lifted him up into their arms. Faint screaming of his name was repeating in his ear. It was so loud.... And familiar.

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