Friends With Benefits | Dylan O'brien

09: First Time For Everything

"Yeahh. . ." I mumble, shaking my head. "It's okay."

It's not though because like he said I didn't deserve that.

"It's not and I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, if you let me," he says with hopeful blue eyes as he waits for my answer. "How's dinner of your choice tonight sound? And maybe some cuddles afterwards?"

My mind drifts to Dylan and his talk with his dad and I become worried he may need me once they're done. I know he's going to want to talk about it but in the midst of making up, I don't want to upset Nick again.

I shake the thought away. If Dylan needs me later then I will tend to him and just say yes to Nick for now because I do want to spend time with him.

Things change.

"Okay," I nod with a sweet smile, rubbing my thumb over his hand. "Sounds good."

He pulls me into him, sighing into the tight hug before he pulls back and leans in to kiss my lips. It's nothing like last nights kiss. It isn't hungry but gentle like he may break me. I appreciate it now because last night gave me some form of ick towards him.

"And I meant what I said," he then says once he pulls away from my lips.

I study his face, trying to figure out which words he meant last night. He said many.

He notices the confusion on my face. "I really do love you."

He pulls a strand of hair from my face, looking at me intently and softly. I feel stunned again, not knowing what exactly to say or how to feel and I internally cringe when I speak next.

"Good," is all I say and I see the disappointment flash over his features. I pull him in again to kiss him because I'm not sure how I feel. I don't want to say something I may not mean yet.

"You don't," he then says but it kind of sounds like a question. One that I don't know myself. I begin to panic as he pulls away from me slowly.

"No—I mean I think I might. I don't know—"

"How do you not know?" he questions, sounding offended. I let out a heavy exhale, feeling overwhelmed by confusion.

"Nick, I've never been in love before so I just don't want to say something I may not mean entirely—yet, anyways."

My body becomes hot, feeling on the spot. I think he notices, a sad but reassuring look on his face as he grabs my hands in his again. "It's okay. . . Do you think you will? Soon?"

I sigh, reaching up to caress his face, his growing stubble scratchy against my palm. "Yeah, I'm sure."

It's quiet for another second, soft touches and quiet thinking between us.

"Is that why you won't have sex with me?"

So many questions. . .

"It's not that I don't want to—I just want it to feel right—"

A frown comes over his face. "It doesn't feel right?"

"No, I mean I just want it to—" My heart is hammering in my chest. "Nick, you're making me nervous."

"I'm sorry. . . I'm sorry. I just—I want you to want this as much as I do."