Tales of Regret

It's like we never met

It's like we never met

I cannot remember a time where you weren't a part of my life.
Maybe not my first friend but one I'll always have a place in my heart for.
Do you remember?
Do you remember how we'd go on the trim trail together?
Do you remember when a boy knocked us off and I got a lump on my head?
Do you remember the dance we choreographed that was filmed and put on the school website?
I do.
What about year 3?
The crush we had on our teacher, the Roman man who called us the 'giggle twins'.
That was our name, we were a collective, no longer individuals.
Do you remember?
I do.
All the things we made each other. It was useless crap that took up unnecessary room but even now I still haven't thrown any of it away.
You probably don't care anymore, but I do.
I've never had a friend like you.
It's strange to think that five years ago we were inseparable and now you're a stranger.
Not strangers again because I don't know of a time where we were strangers before.
I don't remember making friends with you, we just were.
I'll still never forget letting you go.
Do you remember?
I do.
We'd only argued once before but it lasted less then an hour.
Do you remember what it was about?
I do.
The pronunciation of 'Cher'.
It's laughable now, how could we fight over something so stupid?
But that's okay, we made up in no time and everything was golden for two more years.
Do you remember?
I do.
I remember how we'd have sleepovers at your nan's house because she lived on he same block as me.
I remember when your step-dad first came into your family.
I remember having two day sleepovers.
I remember the tickle fish on your birthday.
I remember drinking WKD on New Years Eve and feeling like grown ups.
I remember watching Monster House and having your step-dad scare us at every opportunity.
I remember playing hide and seek with all the power in the house turned off.
I remember eating strawberries and sugar, a combination I'd never had before.
I remember comforting you when you got upset and I was the only person who knew what was going on in your home life.
I remember your new house, do you still live there?
I remember it all.
Even if we were reunited, things would never be the same, would they?
Because I no longer live on the same block as your nan.
I moved to a village, did you know that?
You have a baby brother, when I knew you, it was just you, your mum and your sister. Only a small percentage included your step-dad in the world I knew you.
Drinking isn't a big deal anymore, I've seen the drunken instagrams.
We go to different schools, I think that might have been the final straw.
But I miss you.
Do you ever think of me?
Do you ever think of how stupid the reason was for not being friends?
I do.
We weren't just a twosome, there was three of us.
Three inseparable besties.
But the two of you were always bickering and I was always stuck in the middle.
But then that changed, you two became stronger than ever and turned against me.
I don't know why, do you?
Maybe I was too sensitive but it was the first time I'd ever felt so lonely and outcast and I was a child.
And that was it.
The end.
Or it should have been.
I found the best friend that was there all along but never noticed before while you took all of our friends with you. They weren't my friends anymore, just yours.
But it was okay, I had a new friend. A better friend. A dear friend I still have with me to this day.
But for some reason you're creeping back into my life again.
It started maybe a year ago, I haven't kept track.
You turned up at a dance class I go to with my friends.
Do you remember?
I do.
It was awkward, we didn't dare make eye contact.
We didn't speak.
You only attended a few sessions.
Once you got a phone call and you cried.
I'd never felt so torn.
Years of comforting you before had snapped back into place but that was unacceptable.
So I did nothing.
I still regret that.
But now you're creeping into my social media feed.
Are you liking my posts because they're my posts or because you like them?
Does it even occur to you that they're my posts? That username is tiny after all.
I've wanted to say 'hi'.
But how?
How do I do that?
There is so much left unsaid between us.
I want to forget you but I can't.
Instead I'm just watching your social media from afar.
There's a girl who was part of our group and remained part of it when it became your group.
I always hated her.
She always blamed me for you being upset.
We argued all the time.
Do you know who I'm talking about?
How can you not?
You replaced me with her.

And it's like we never met at all.