FALLEN (NOW PUBLISHED ON AMAZON)

36.

"I was thinking about the song you sang.  I didn't know you sing so well."

"I never sing.  But I thought that a drunk crowd was an easier crowd."

"You should sing more often.  You have a beautiful voice.  But why that song?"

"I don't know...  It's the first one that came to my mind."

"It's a beautiful song.  It's one of my favourites actually.  What do you think is the meaning behind it?"

He takes a really long time to think this through.  I almost get to think that he won't answer at all.... until he does.

"To me, I have always felt like it was about a man who secretly loves a woman who doesn't know it.  He is scared to tell her because she might get scared.  How he explains it seems to be an obsession that he has no control on.  He doesn't understand his feelings for her, it frustrates him.  He desperately wants to tell her he loves her but something is holding him back."  I look at him analyse passionately the song with his doctorate analytic knowledge. " 'I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand' suggests that he doesn't know how to express his feelings or he doesn't want people to know because they won't get it.  But maybe he refers to 'world' as the woman he loves.  'When everything's made to be broken' suggests that he thinks it is wrong to be in love with you for some stupid reason."

I freeze when he seems to be talking about me directly and not generally about his thoughts on the meaning of the song.  I smile and hope he continues drawing comparison between what we've been through and the meaning of the song. 

"So I tried to stop myself from loving you but I couldn't help it.  'I just want you to know who I am' shows that I really wanted you to know the real me, to see what I always kept inside and never showed to anyone and not just see me for how everybody else sees me.  I wanted you to understand my feelings for you, how much you mean to me.  'When everything feels like the movies' shows that what I feel for you is like a love story.  Like your story.  I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it could possibly actually true.  I just couldn't believe a woman like you would get interested in me, let alone love me.  It's almost hard to believe... like a movie."

I get a bit speechless throughout his explanation.  But, I never would have guessed the depth of his feelings towards me.  I never thought I would mean so much to him.  Why would he have acted that coldly with me these past weeks if I meant so much?  He was conflicted...  He said that he had tried to stop loving me, but for what reason?  How long did he love me for?

"It isn't...  I can't believe you're interested in me either.  I don't know why you forced yourself to shut me out.  I want you.  And I finally have you.  And there's no way I will let you do that again."

He looks quickly at me with an unfathomable expression on his face.  He still has his hand holding mine, but his thoughts are running wild through his head.  He doesn't say a word and it frightens me.  He gives the road all of his attention, but I keep staring at him.  He seems agitated.  I don't know if I should make him speak his mind or keep quiet. 

I bring our joined hands to my lips and tenderly kiss the back of his hands before I part our hands to kiss every single of his beautifully long fingers.  I love his hands.

"I have never congratulated you on your new title, Doctor Wright.  Congratulations!  When do you officially graduate?

"It's July 25th.  It's a Thursday, at Royal Festive Hall."

"Oh...  And is your mum going to be there?"

"I haven't asked her yet...  In fact, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go at all."