DARLIN' , tom holland

lx. | real life

to say that thomas stanley holland was a mess would be an understatement. tom had packed up as soon as he received the texts from guinevere, saying goodbye to his family before booking a flight to the states, his mind racing with nothing but thoughts of arisa.

his family were saddened that their time with him was cut short but they understood completely. paddy, who was beginning to love arisa, was heartbroken when he heard the news that she had gotten seriously hurt.

nikki felt both proud and miserable for her son, proud because he was being a true man. one who was mature and knew his priorities. the one who loved and accepted pain and never complained. the man she always wanted him to grow up to be. however, she felt miserable. sure, she wanted him to grow up but she also knew how hard the real world was.

it was full of pain and heartaches and danger. death and torturous days are always right around the corner, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. she knew that life was and would never be easy, no matter how much you want it to be.

and with love on top of all that? that makes it a whole different story.

since life is already enough to make one miserable, adding someone to love, care, worry for makes it even more so.

when you love someone, you constantly think about them and their well-being. how they're doing, how their day went, just them. you would be anxious, not for yourself but for others.

and when you hear that they went through hell and back during the time that you weren't there for them? during the time that you left them alone?

that just turns miserable into another level.

which is why tom had felt completely jittery the whole time, he couldn't keep still and he always had to do something. he felt like he was going to go completely insane and the boy just didn't know what to do or say.

his hair looked as if he tugged and ran his fingers through them a hundred times, the bags under his eyes were dark and gigantic, his eyes themselves were bloodshot, and his clothes were extremely wrinkled. on top of that, he felt absolutely horrible- blaming himself for everything and anything. he kept thinking that if he was only there with her, or asked for an explanation before making any assumptions, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

after tom had landed, he dropped off his bags at arisa's apartment- he still had the keys she gave- and the place gave him chills. he felt the goosebumps rise on his skin and he kept remembering his days with her everywhere he turned.

memories of the two of them cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie, arisa cooking a brand new dish she found online in the kitchen while tom helped however he could.

but amidst all the happy memories, images of arisa laying on her bed in the middle of the night unable to sleep because she felt unsafe or of her crying in the bathroom because she felt helpless creeped into tom's head which pained him even more.

wanting to calm himself for even just a little, tom finally had enough courage to show up at the hospital and the whole place had just felt dreadful.

he remembered the day he took her to a children's hospitals to visit the patients. he remembered how she smiled while she talked to everyone, her expressions turning from one of playfulness to one of sheer joy. it was definitely a sight to see.

that day, tom recognized arisa as someone who deserved the world. he thought that the world, however, did not deserve such a beauty like her- arisa was just too good like that.

but just like he had done before, tom shook his head to clear all the memories that creeped in. he had to see arisa, he needed to.

three days.

that was how long arisa had been asleep for. her bruises were starting to fade away but she was still extremely pale. her hands were freezing and different tubes were connected to her body. it was definitely not the state tom ever wanted to see arisa in.

the xaviers were all there, including her mother, father, and her siblings. her sister in law, amelia, unfortunately had to stay at their home with little isaiah.

currently, tom was sitting on the chair beside arisa's bed, his hand holding hers gently, as if she was a fragile doll.

"hey," tom spoke quietly, his voice hoarse. "you're probably sick of me already." tom let out a small chuckle, gazing at their hands. "i'm an asshole, aren't i? i let you go without asking for the whole truth. i'm selfish, i doubted you. i was scared, arisa. you're an angel, did you know that? you're an angel who deserves the world and i don't deserve you because you're too good for me." tears started to form from the corner of his eyes but tom made no move to wipe them away.

"i kept thinking that maybe you realized that your ex was a better man than i could ever be and you came back to him. that couldn't be any farther from the truth though, could it? turns out he's a major prick who had the nerve to hurt someone like you. you never deserved any of the things you had to go through, you just don't. i'm sorry, arisa, i'm so fucking sorry," tom sobbed.

"i've been a mess without you- a major one at that. it's like i'm lost and i don't know what to do or think anymore. i miss you so damn much and i don't care what i have to do, just please come back. i don't care if you'll hate me, just please wake up. i want to have the chance to see your eyes light up and a smile grow on your face again," tom kissed her knuckles. "i love you, so damn much."

—♚—

hi so that might have been cringe worthy but i kinda like writing sad chapters?? also double update because publishing only the article would be boring. anyways, thank you for reading (: