The Lost God

Chapter One~Listening to the unanswered prayers

"Juana!" the small boy yells from the hospital bed. I smile walking up to him. His name is Alex, he was fighting a battle of cancer until one day he prayed the angels and God goodnight. I heard this prayer, it was weak and soft yet so genuine. I visited him these last two days since I healed him of his sickness for his kindness.

I walk into the room and he has a huge smile on his face. "Juana! Guess what?" he giggles, his voice is so bright and strong that it melts my heart to see him hopeful again. "What Alex?" I ask smiling at the young boy. "The doctor said the monsters are gone! Cancer is out of my head! You chased the monsters away for me" He squeals with such excitement. My smile widens at this precious moment. "I told you that you would be okay didn't I?" I walk over to him and give him a tight hug knowing what is next.

"You did! But now you have to leave to save other kids from the monsters!" Alex smiles "Before you go, I have a gift!" Alex says standing up. He runs over to a table in the room and grabs a white crayon. He runs back to me and puts it in my hand.

"The white crayon is important even if it seems useless, it takes away mistakes when you color. You look like any other person but you help people and take away problems" Alex says closing my hand around the crayon. I smile at the boy and put the crayon in my coat. "Thank you, Alex, remember to be good to your Mommy and tell her what Daddy did with the sugar okay?" I tell him. He nods and backs up a bit looking at my face.

In a heartbeat, I am standing in a motel I am staying at. Around the walls are drawings and drawings of my brothers and sisters or what I think they look like. Every picture is different, I imagine huge wings like mine, such bright innocent lights that are pure with grace. I can only do four correctly. I was rock a week ago anyways.

I know I am an abomination, I know my father hates me. My mother is dead, I ripped her apart when I was born. But I heard and seen everything she saw. My brothers and sisters are remarkable. Truly beautiful, but I hate God. He hurt my mother and he isn't the Lord. I sometimes pray to him just to tell him how bad and wrong he is. How he isn't worthy to be called Lord by these humans. I hate God with every fiber in me.

I walk to the drawings and tear them down one by one. I count the hundreds of drawings of the angels. Then I leave one drawing I drew of God up. I pack the drawings and the few clothes I stole up. Even though I could fly I like to walk.

I hold my bags and leave the room walking down the road. I usually wait for me to feel something. Sometimes I can feel when something nonhuman is somewhere in the area or I can follow prayers.

I go a few days of walking nonstop, I don't think I need to eat or sleep, well I don't do it much anyways. While passing Lawrence, Kansas a prayer comes to me.

-Fuck dean, you can't die! You weren't suppose to be right there! 

The voice was so desperate but this prayer was strained. I could barely hear it, must be some hunters. I focus on the prayer and drive down the trail it came from. I pull up to an abandoned building, it has all types of warding but nothing for me, there is none for me. The trail leads to what I believe is a door. I knock on it already sensing two souls inside. The door opens to a tall, hazel eye man. His long hair is frizzy and seems like he has run this hand through it a lot.

"Who are you?" He asks, his voice with hints of frustration and anger. "I am here to answer your prayer" I smile at him. "W-what?" he asks. He must have hearing problems, I will heal him after I save the dying soul. "I am here to heal your brother, you prayed," I tell him a bit louder.

"What are you?" he growls reaching for what I sense is an angel blade, according to my mother memories. "I am a rogue angel, left my brothers and sisters because I needed guidance from my father. When he left I went to find him as a fledgling and got lost. Now I answer the prayers the Lord can't answer himself. Now please let me see your brother so I can heal him" I lie, I want to shoot myself over and over again as I hear myself call God 'Lord'. Such an unworthy title for the prick.

He must have believed me or is desperate enough as he opens the door wider and makes a follow sign. I walk into the building and he closes the iron door behind me as the light shines on the blade. He turns and leads me down a staircase into a hallway. I feel the soul's light dim as the male man who is called 'Dean' is fighting to survive the wound his brother can't heal.

The tall man stops at a room with an open door. I walk past him to see the body on the bed. Dean was shorter than Sam but I am shorter than him. He has short styled hair and is tough looking. I walk to the bed with the other brother watching my every movement. I place a hand on the wound and let my grace dance around it healing it. As I purposely mend his wound slowly I place a hand on his head to see where he is in his head.

Luckily he is in a good memory, he is at a table with an older man and a younger boy. The older man chuckles at the face Dean makes with the pieces of chicken they have using a piece as a mustache. The younger boy chuckles and continues to eat. I decided to leave his mind alone and remove my hand from his head. I hurry the healing process up and in a second Dean sits up yelling out "Sam!". The taller man who must be Sam runs to him and checks where the wound used to be.

"Thank God you're okay" Sam sighs seeing the wound gone. "More like 'Thank self-centered man' you're okay" I mumble to myself. Dean notices me and a weird smirk crosses his face. "I am gone for a few hours and you get a girl Sammy? Atta boy!" Dean chuckles as Sam's face goes red. I am utterly confused so I just stand there and tilt my head a bit.

With a sound of wings, I sense a presence, not just any presence but an angel's. I turn around to see a man with a trench coat on, I am all too giddy that I don't check his true form yet. "Are you an angel?" I question squealing with excitement.

The man tilts his head like I do, looking confused. "Yes, I am Castiel," he says. My smile drops and I look at his true form. Bright light, one of a kind grace, also my Mother's brand on him. "Castiel..." I whisper. I take a few steps towards him so I can get a good look at him. I raise a hand and place it on his cheek feeling his vessel's skin but also his grace that wants to feel my hand. "Castiel...Your Castiel?" I asked feeling the familiar grace trying to reach out to me.

"Yes, who are you, your grace feels...familiar.." He asks looking at me into my eyes. "Castiel, you have grown. Mother would be so proud" I whisper. He then backs up as if I shot him. "We do not talk about Mother Ignis!" He yells at me angrily. "Castiel, do you know where Gabriel is? I need to talk to him" I ask innocently seeing Mother Ignis is a touchy subject. "Gabriel? The trickster? He is dead." Dean says behind me. I turn to look at the now healthy man. "D-dead? What about Baltazar?" I shudder crossing my arms to hold myself. "Balthazar is dead too" Sam saws quietly noticing how I am freaking out. "Lucifer! Where can I find Lucifer?!" I practically scream feeling tears well up in my eyes.

"Lucifer is in another dimension, was in the cage before he came out from hell," Castiel said this time. I lost it, I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Those three men were my Mother's best friends. Having her memories and her feelings it was like they were mine too. "N-No. This can't be..." I whisper as my thoughts go a mile a second. "I have to go" I mumble rushing out of the room. I remember the way to the door so I practically run towards it. My legs want to give out so I decided I could just fly. Right as I am about to a hand grabs my shoulder.

I was forced to turn and I see Sam having his hand on my shoulders while the other two are behind him. "If your an angel, why don't you know any of this?"