Learning to Fall (An Interracial Love Story)

Chapter 36

Connor’s POV

I take a seat near the back corner of the cafe and rehearse my lines. 

I’m sorry. I screwed up Sarah. You mean the world to me and I don’t know what happened when I left. I overreacted with the Axel situation and I’m so sorry for—

“Hey,” Sarah is standing across from me. 

“Hey,” I say, standing up. I think about kissing her but realize that now is not the time or place. Instead I hug her with my hands on her back. “Do you want to order some coffee?”

“I’ll just have an extra-large hot chocolate and a piece of your lemon pound cake.”

“Your total is $5.73.” Our cashier is a young chinese kid with red streaks in his hair. He doesn’t look very happy to be here.

Sarah opens her purse and digs out her wallet.

“Here’s five.” She puts a five dollar bill down on the counter. “And I think I have 73 cents,” she says shaking her wallet around.

“Sarah. I got it.” Instinctively, I put my hand on the small of her back. She looks up at me then looks back in her wallet.

“No, Connor. I got it.”

“Sarah really.” I take her money off the counter and hand it back to her. “Can I add a large colombian coffee with a shot of peppermint and a cinnamon coffee cake?

“Your total is $11.42,” the kid says in a monotone. I hand him my debit card and he returns it with a number. 

“Prop this up on your table and your food will be delivered when it’s ready.”

Instead of putting her money into her purse, Sarah drops it in the tip jar.

“And here is your food!” A young woman puts Sarah’s hot chocolate and pound cake in front of her as soon as we sit down. 

“Thanks,” I say as she hands me my coffee. 

“Here’s some cream and sugar.” In the middle of the table she sets down a small cup of cream and sugar holder. “Enjoy.”

The woman waltzes away and Sarah and I are left in an uncomfortable silence. She picks at her pound cake and I sip my coffee.

“Where do we even start?” I ask, breaking the silence.

“I’ll start.” Sarah takes a sip of her hot chocolate. “First, I want to apologize. I should have told you about Axel as soon as I started falling for him. That was unfair to him but especially unfair to you. I’m sorry.”

I nod my head and Sarah goes on. 

“I also want to explain what I was going through. When you left Connor, I was devastated. I tried to cover it up especially because you were on the verge of dropping your life plans for me. I didn’t want you to do that. I—”

I cut her off. “If I could do it all over again, I would have never left for San Diego.”

“That’s not true Connor. You would have left if you knew I’d be here waiting.”

“Was it wrong for me to expect you to not cheat on me?”

“No. But. I.” Sarah stutters. “I was a sitting duck Connor. You didn’t answer my calls or text me back. Even before school officially started. I was waiting for you.” Sarah’s voice cracks and her eyes start to water.

“I don’t want you to cry.” I reach across the table and wipe Sarah’s tears away. 

“I met Axel at school,” she says while taking my hand away from her face. "We just clicked. He made me feel special. It just felt so good to feel that way again.”

“So why didn’t you tell me about him?”

“I don’t know, Connor.” Sarah shrugs and looks down at the table. “Honestly, I was so attached to him, I just put everything we had in the back of my mind.”

“Did what we had mean anything to you Sarah?” 

Sarah’s face looks like I just slapped her.

“Of course Connor.” She looks me in the eye. “You were my first love, my first kiss. My life revolved around you. I'll never forget what we had." Sarah looks away. "That's all I have."

"Guess it's my turn?" Sarah nods. "I guess first I want to apologize for putting my hands on you. That was extremely inappropriate and I am so sorry. I understand if you don't forgive me but I just want you to know, that's not who I am. Well. That's not who I want to be.

"And I'm sorry about falling out of touch. Being in college was no excuse for neglecting what we had. I'm sorry Sarah. I know I keep saying that but I really am sorry. There were so many ways I could have handled this whole situation and I just... I failed."

I feel my eyes start to water then push the tears back. Sarah's tears are falling freely. 

"Now what?" I ask after a few moments.

"What do you mean Connor?" Sarah swirls a spoon in her hot chocolate. 

"I mean this whole situation. We cleared the air and we both know that we could have handled things better. But I don't want this to be it."

Sarah stops swirling her chocolate and looks at me, confused.

"What are you saying, Connor?"

"I'm saying that a screwed up in SoCal but I want to try again."

"I. Connor. That's not what today was supposed to be about." Sarah fans herself a little. 

"Sarah. I just want one more chance. One more chance to show you that I do love you. And to redeem myself. Now that we've talked I think we can work this out."

"Connor. I can't just come crawling back to you! I saw a side of you the other week that I don't ever wanna see again. And I have Axel now. I love him so much Connor. I can't just throw that away!"

But you had no problem throwing what we had away? 

"Can you just talk to him?" I ask, running my fingers through my hair. 

"Talk to him and say what? That my ex is back in town and we're getting back together?"

"I don't know Sarah! All I know is that I want a second chance. Aren't you the one who always says to leave the past in the past and that everyone deserves a second chance?"

"That's where you're wrong Connor. This is the present. Some people screw up their first chance so bad that they don't deserve a second." Sarah puts her purse on. 

"So this is it?" I ask, as she zips up her hoodie. 

"I want to be friends Connor. I really do. But right now I think you're still convinced that we were meant to be."

I feel myself start to lose Sarah. 

"I. I don't know what else to say Sarah."

"Don't say anything Connor." Sarah stands up. "Just please don't get between me and Axel. What we had is over."