Thing is, people doesn't understand. And they never will.
Half of the time i don't even know what the actual fuck i'm doing or why i was placed on this earth, yet this universe in the first place. I feel like i have no purpose, i'm just on a colorful rock flying through space and i can't grasp any ideas to why i'm really here. I guess none of us do.
And depression was the reason why i started this book. Because it's so complicated and more advanced, more than words or gestures could ever explain and i guess that's what makes it so special. Everyone with depression has gone through many stages of feeling like the whole world is against you, It's like waking up one morning and everything was just black and white. You never really see any happiness within anything really. It's really all about colors, colors is your happiness and you've lost it. That's what they mean by "find your own happiness", they're honestly very correct.
Today was one of those days for me, woke up with a straight face and feelings put on mute but at the same time, they're blasting loudly like music in a club within my head. And I can't press the pause button, I can just go back to bed and hope that tomorrow is different. But a big part of me don't even want to wake up, not ready to face a new tomorrow.
Depression can make you feel completely drained out of your emotions but also have them violate your mind, like your overthinking. It's not good for you, and deep down you know that you need help. But, your depression can be so severe that even such basic things can make you go crazy and will make sure that it pulls you back as much as possible.
You think to yourself that, people don't get it because it's all in my head. And it is. You'll think of yourself as crazy which will soon develop to self hate and self hate is hard to get away from. It can really break both your bones and your heart. You constantly feel tired because it's stealing your precious energy, depression doesn't deserve your energy. Good people in your life deserves that.
So, my message is, people don't get it. And they never will. Beat your depression and show it who controlls your emotions because depression is clearly not the one who does that.
Show people who your true colors are, and happiness will come your way.
Either way, i believe in you.
