Stars-Newt TMR DISCONTINUED

Chapter 4

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Facts
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After passing passing Newt his soup I hopped into his slammer room shutting the door behind me. My eyes swam with anger and my fists clenched. I sat down on the floor and lent back on the wall. Newt just watched me with fear and pain in his eyes. Fear of me. Pain caused by me.
"Bobbie..." he started before I cut him off.

"NO You don't get to talk. Making me feel like shit. Making me feel like I hurt you. Do you understand that pain. The pain of knowing you hurt someone so close to you, that you feel their pain. That you see the pain in their eyes and know to shut the fuck up?!?! Evidently you don't. Or you would have shut up the day you yelled at me. Or you would have stopped. Would have talked to me. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I was in the wrong. But turns out you have been in the wrong. Always you.
You know what hurts the most. It took you jumping off the fucking wall for me to realise that."

By this time I was stood up, pacing around, crying.
Newt was also crying his head bashing against the wall.

"Why Newt??? Why?? You knew I was hurting. Hurt from your words. Yet you still jumped. You were my last thread. Did you ever think about how I would feel?? I've been so depressed. The only thing stopping me from suicide was the hope that you would come back to me."

I was punching walls again. Alby had come in by this time and was holding me back. I turned, buried my face in his chest and sobbed. I felt Alby run his hands through my hair to calm me and whisper calming words in my ear.
It was at this point in living in the glade when I realised I hated crying. It is a waste of time energy and muscles. I just didn't care anymore. It felt like the only people I could trust are Alby and Nick. I couldn't even trust my own thoughts anymore. The glade is my home and the gladers are my family, but all families fall apart. Mine just fell apart quicker than Albys.
I'm jealous. Of Alby and his ability to calm even me down. Of Nick and his ability to make anyone love him. (like siblings). Of Newt and his ability to do both. But he can't fix me now. Not when he is the reason I'm broken.

I stopped crying and put on a poker face. I untangled myself from Alby and turned to look at Newt, all traces of emotion gone. I gazed at his fear ridden face and practically growled out "I'm sorry Newt for scaring you. I will do my best not to scare you anymore and but that I mean piss off out of your life." He looked shocked by the pack of emotion in my eyes and voice, after all I was the one to teach him all emotion is in the eyes. Guess he just has to learn that all emotion can be covered up, whether it be with a fake smile or cuffs on your wrists. So I'm going to do that. Mask my emotions. No one will ever see me cry ever again.

I Sent Newt A sickly sweet smile and headed out the slammer. I made my way across the glade to the maze doors only to get stopped by a hand on mine. A small hand at that. I stopped walking and looked at the distressed boy in front of me. The young boy that needed my help. Sure I'm only like sixteen or something but I think I could handle taking care of a five year old. Samuel cocked his head to the side,
"What happened?" He was indicating to my knuckles. I chuckles at his innocence. There was so much he didn't know.

I didn't realise how much I relied on others until they are gone. I almost lost the person I relied on most due to his self-pity. In the future the only person I need to rely on Is me!

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1 month later
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I jumped into the greenie box with Newt. He was back up and walking, just not running, he has a permanent limp in his leg. Suppose karma is a bitch. Sammy (Samuel) was on my back staring at the new greenie. He was supposed to be calming but the greenie looked scared shit-less, literally he shit himself.
Ugh Greenies annoyed me. Always in the way and curious.
Anger was the main emotion I showed now a days. The occasional Love and affection to Sammy.
"Nice Of you to join us." I smirked to the chubby youngster, around thirteen.
I wouldn't scare this one.

Newt helped the kid out and gave him the tour. Whereas I prepped Nick.

He was going down the box.
By himself

Short I know but I'm kinda busy with the other account I'm helping to run.
baphfanfics Go follow me on there. No, this story will not be discontinued. I am still writing just not on my main account much.

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And that same username on Instagram for short text imagines

I'm not dead, let's have dinner
-IA