Erin's Mistakes | ✔

Seventeen

"Wait, you went surfing without me?" Clara's shoulders dropped. My heart raced with anger this time. That was not the problem at hand and she needed to focus.

"Focus!" I shouted, looking at her before searching the beach. What if Carter had followed me? Would he disappear for years now, like he did when I picked Andrew in the first place? Was I ever going to get my best friend back the way we used to be in high school or had we gone too far in the wrong direction?

"Okay fine, Carter was there, then what happened?" Clara rolls her eyes. She finally dropped her hands from my shoulders allowing me to use my whole body to express how nervous I was. I was shaking like a dog that just got out of an ice bath. I shook my head trying my best to focus on what I needed to say.

"I finished the class and he was waiting for me, he wanted to talk. So we sat by the water and we talked and he just leaned over and kissed me," I muttered. My words seemed to blur together as if they were one long one. I couldn't believe she understood anything I had said.

"What did you two talk about?" She questioned. Now it was my time for my eyes to grow three sizes. I couldn't remember. I knew we sat on the beach but everything after that seemed to be a blur and I just couldn't remember what was said. I knew things had been said. I knew they had hurt my heart instead of making me feel better about the situation. I knew he had missed me but I couldn't for the life of me repeat to Clara what had been said.

"I don't even know what we talked about, I can't remember?"

"What do you mean you don't remember?" Clara folded her arms as if she was really annoyed with me. I shook my head countless times. I needed to get back to the hotel.

I could hear her running after me. I could almost feel her feet thudding against the sand just as quickly as mine had been. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to enjoy her vacation. I felt awful that I had ruined this for her. I was going home so she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. There wasn't anything else I could manage to muddle up here.

I cringed as my feet hit the sidewalk. My shoes in my hand. I didn't have time to stop and put them on though so I kept running.

"Erin!" I heard Clara yell as she trails behind me. We run down the sidewalk until we are outside of our hotel. I stop right outside the door and turn to her. My emotions were running wild. My body wanting to explode with anger and fear. The anxiety boiling in my chest like a pot of water ready to boil over the top of the pan. The flame was so warm I knew I was going to burn someone if I didn't get away from this situation.

But there I was, always running from everything.

I did it to Andrew when I ran away on this trip. I did it to Carter last year because I couldn't deal with the fear of him leaving me just like he had. Now I'm doing it to Clara because I can't handle how much of a disappointment I had become on this vacation.

I entered the lobby, people flooded the room as they try to get to whatever fun event they had going on today. I nodded to an older couple wiping the tears away from my eyes. They turned to look at me like I was an idiot. Clara burst through the doors nearly hitting this as she apologized following me to the elevator. We were locked in. Both of us sitting awkwardly in silence as the older woman stands alone in her corner. We couldn't hash it out here. She was just trying to get back to her room as much as I was. Or at least Clara and I both were.

The elevator was so quiet that you could practically hear our eyes blinking. Like in all the cartoons one would watch as a child. I missed those days, my body craving those simplistic afternoons, the ones my mother would watch me play outside as I chased butterflies. Why couldn't I just turn back time and head to one of those beautiful moments again? Or when my father was still alive, those ones are the ones I really want back.