The Groomless Bride

Chapter 5 - End

"Mimi, I thought it's you day off." napalingon ako sa anak kong naniningkit pa ang mata dahil kakabangon pa lang mula sa kama.

"Yes baby but there's just something I have to finish today." I smiled at him. Hopefully, matatapos na nga lahat. The uncertainty, the question marks... sana mapalitan na ng tuldok.

I kissed my kid before going to the restaurant Jake texted. I was familiar with the area but not with the place kaya napagdesisyonan kong umalis ng mas maaga to look around.

Magsisinungaling ako kapag sinabi kong di ako kinakabahan. I've never seen him for years and the last time we did, I was a piece of a hopelessly hopeful fool. Pero pumapasok din sa isip ko. Ba't naman ako kakabahan? If in the first place, wala naman akong ginawang mali?

God knows how much I tried. Kahit masyado nang magulo na ang utak at buhay ko, I still managed to keep my life going. At ngayon, I will prove to that man na hindi ako ang nawalan kundi siya and I admit, a part of me is dying to show that I'm living a good, if not, better life without him which was in a way, true. Mahirap lang naman sa simula pero nang masanay, naging sulit naman ang paghihirap.

I parked the car outside pero nagda-dalawang isip pa ako kung papasok ako. My feet felt so heavy. He's probably inside o kung wala pa man, sigurado akong darating siya.

I laughed with that thought. Talaga lang ha?

Nagmukmok lang ako sa kotse at nang naka-ipon na ng lakas ng loob ay lumabas na din ako. Sinilip ko ang relo ko and saw that I'm already twenty minutes late. Ang akala ko pa naman ten minutes early ako.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko nang makapasok ako sa cafe. Heto na. Balot na ng kaba ang buong sistema ko at naglahong parang bula ang matapang na babaeng kausap ko kanina. I badly need her.

Patuloy na iniikot ng mata ko ang lugar. Kada taong makita ko ay nagpapasalamat ako dahil hindi si Jacob ang nakikita ko. But my eyes immediately stopped to meet the gaze of a guy wearing a white long-sleeved polo. Parang kakagaling lang nito sa trabaho. Mas nagmature na din ang mukha niya and the perfect features of the guy I fell in love with before is still existing. He's still the same guy... I would fall in love with him over again. Fortunately, I'm no longer the same woman. And gullible? No more.

I tried to hide the fear by showing a blank expression. At sa totoo lang, di ko rin alam kung anong ipapakita ko para mas sigurado, I chose to show none.

"Mr. Tan." I formally said at umupo sa kaharap niyang upuan, could no longer wait for his response. Nanghihina na ang paa ko and I felt the want to collapse on the chair.

It was probably a mistake because the moment I sat, our eyes could meet. I had a closer look of his face. He would try to meet my gaze pero hindi naman niya ako matingnan ng matagal. He... He looks nervous and it was a pleasing thing for me to see.

I didn't know I wanted to see him slightly shaken by my presence. Nang iwan kasi ako, pakiramdam ko ay isa lang akong bagay na napakadali lang i-itsapwera.

"Cass." He breathed as he tried to give me a smile.

I nodded feeling some rush of anger. After five years, narinig ko ulit siyang banggitin ang pangalan ko. Bigla kong naalala ang dahilan kung bakit ako andito. Simply just to end everything.

"Kamusta na?" ngumiti siya sa akin and I managed to fake one too. Alam kong alam niyang peke lang ang ngiti ko dahil hindi naman iyon umabot sa mata. He looked at me with those sad eyes he's trying to hide but it ends up showing even more.

"Hi." I said back. Medyo nabigla ako sa confidence sa boses ko. "Mabuti naman at nakapunta ka. I'm not really sure if you would come... just like before." I tried not to sound bitter but it sounded like what it meant. A bitter comment coming from a scarred woman.

Silence dominated between the two of us for a few seconds. Napansin kong may dala siyang briefcase. Of course, kahit businessman na siya, he's still a lawyer. He looks sad and sorry but he also looks like a success. I'm sure he's doing just great career-wise.

"I honestly didn't like the idea of seeing you again." I frankly said. Mas mabuti nang malinaw ang lahat "But I just want to end everything kaya ako andito. I told you the reason why I am here and now you tell me yours."

"It's about business but first and foremost-"

"Business... proposal? Alam naman natin siguro pareho na hindi ako papayag. I think I can say this in your face and mean it when I say, I don't trust you."

"I know," he sounded defeated. Like as if he knows what he's getting into. "It's not the main reason why I'm here Cass. I'm here to tell you in person I'm sorry... Your forgiveness is something I don't deserve and it's quite shameless of me to try and see you in person but I still want to tell you that I'm sorry... Habang-buhay kong pagbabayaran ang kasalanan ko."

Napangiti ako ng mapait. Why do people do this? They always do something wrong and then apologize. Ano bang magagawa ng sorry nila? The damage has been done. The present situation cannot be changed. This meeting was all for his wounded ego and sake.

Still the same selfish guy.

Huminga ako ng malalim at uminom muna ng tubig before gazing at him. "Tama na Jake. Your past bullshits served everyone right. I got my lesson from falling in love with someone like you. Stood up and moved on. I won't be this strong if it's not because of you. In a way, nakatulong din ang pag-iwan mo. And to tell you honestly, that little conscience of yours which I didn't know existed is not an enough punishment."

Tumayo na ako at kinuha ang bag ko. I'm pretty sure na tapos na ang usapang ito.

"Aalis na ako at sana, sabay ng pag-alis ko ay ang pag-alis mo sa buhay ko."

"Mimi"

Pagpasok na pagpasok ko sa bahay, ay sinalubong agad ako ng anak ko. Halatang kanina pa ito naghihintay dahil talagang hinintay niyang may bumukas ng pinto. "You look bored."

Nakasimangot ito habang nakayakap sa paa ko. Parang inaantok na ewan. My little cute Jeremy.

"Because I am." nakapout pang sabi nito. If I know, naglalambing lang siya. Mabanggit ko lang ang salitang bored, alam ko na kung saan papunta ang usapan.

"You want to go to the mall."

Bumitaw agad siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at tumingala sa akin with his twinkling eyes."Yes, please, Mimi." agad siyang tumalikod at tumakbo papuntang kwarto. Sigurado akong magbibihis na iyon. Ganyan kasi talaga siya pag excited.

I dialled Ellie's number. Pag gumagala kami ni Jeremy, palaging kasama namin si Ellie at gusto ko rin siyang kamustahin about last night.

"Tita Ellie!"  yumakap si Jeremy kay Ellie at gumanti naman ng yakap ang kaibigan ko. "T-tita. I-I can't b-breathe."

Natatawang bumitaw si Ellie. "Sorry baby. Ang cute-cute mo kasi di ko mapigilan!"

Sa likod ng kotse sumakay si Jeremy habang sa passenger's seat naman ako.

"Kamusta ka naman kagabi?" I asked and readied myself dahil parang alam ko na kung anong susunod na gagawin niya.

But seconds later, nanatili lang siyang tahimik. I am expecting na sisigaw siya or biglang ihihinto ang sasakyan but she did not. Pero napansin kong nanggigigil ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa manibela. Not the usual screaming Ellie.

"I survived." seryosong sagot nito. Pakiramdam ko, alien ang kasama ko. Palagi kasing sira-ulo iyon at walang kinatatakutan. "Pero may kasalanan ka ha." pahabol nito at para bang bigla na lang nagbalik si Ellie. Woah. Ano bang nangyayari sa kaniya?

"Wala akong kasalanan no."

"Dapat kasi, ikaw na lang sumundo sa akin."

Ako naman ang napabuntong hininga. Lumingon ako sa may bintana ng kotse. "Nagkita kami."

"Ha? Ni sino?" Hindi ako sumagot. Baka kasi kung may masabi ako, maririnig pa ni Jeremy. "No way!" again, di ako kumibo. Mas mabuti nang itikom ang bibig kaysa sa magsalita. "Ano namang pinag-usapan niyo?"

"Wala kaming pinag-usapan. Sadyang tinapos ko lang ang lahat."