The Groomless Bride

"Anak... Cassy... Please, don't do this to yourself."

Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya niya nang una akong makita suot ang wedding gown ko. Her eyes were twinkling earlier probably mirroring the happiness in my eyes. Ibang-iba sa  mga mata ngayon na namumula na dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak.

Pinipigilan ko na lang ang umiyak sa harap nilang lahat dahil hiyang-hiya ako. Wala naman akong ginawang mali pero kinakain ako ng sobrang hiya.

I tried to bite my lower lip because I can feel the tears forming in my eyes... Huwag muna ngayon, please. Huwag sa harap ni Mama. "Mama... Give me more time. Maghihintay pa ako. Darating siya. How could he not? This our wedding." I managed to say but I can hear my voice breaking at the end.

Inayos ko ang damit ko habang nakaupo sa hagdanan. Hindi na siguro matiis ng mga magulang ko kaya umalis na sila matapos kong makita na kinausap sila ng kaibigan ko.

My dress looked so pretty under the sunlight. The beads are sparkling and the tulle looked so white. It is everything I wanted it to be. Kahit ang langit ay nakinig sa hiling ko na sana ay huwag  umulan.

Everything was just as planned... until now.

"Cassidy, bestfriend mo ako diba?" umupo si Ellie sa tabi ko. I am left alone with her now. Lahat ng bisita ay kanina pa umuwi. All that's left is me, Ellie and that tiny chance that my groom will arrive.

Tumango ako kay Ellie. I stared at her with tears falling from my eyes.

Kaya kong magsinungaling sa kanilang lahat na okay lang ako. That everything's perfect. But not to me and to Ellie.

Hindi niya ako binigyan ng naaawang tingin. Alam kong alam niya na ayaw ko ng mga ganung bagay. Sympathy just makes everything worse instead of making me feel better. Pity looks are just validations of how sad this situation is.

"Cassidy dela Vega." napangiti ako ng mapait when I heard my name on her lips. I thought by this time, I'd be Mrs. Tan. I was looking forward to it... "Gusto kitang i-comfort but I don't want to tell you lies and bullshits. I don't want to make you feel better. I want you to feel the pain and to let you know that whatever that asshole promised is not real. Iniwan ka niya para sa babaeng hindi naman natin kilala. All we know about her is that she's a bitch! After accepting the reality, you'll move on and forget the pain. Forget those suckers."

Ellie, after that message gave me a long hug, trying to take a piece of this very heavy burden. My friend have this weird way of telling me stuff. It's like stabbing me, slapping me, kicking me or killing me.

But she's right. I should acknowledge the pain for me to learn.

Nahihirapan man, I tried to give Ellie a sincere smile. "I'll feel better... Hindi man ngayon." I said as I convince myself that no suffering is forever.

"I know Cass. It takes time. At marami ka pang time! May second chance at love, third chance, basta unlimited! Sa ganda mong iyan?" biro nito sa akin. Again, I forced a smile.

Tama na. I wasted my time, efforts and feelings. Lahat ng iyon, kahit katiting walang natira. Lahat na basura na. Ayaw ko na.

"Imposible. Wala nang magkakagusto sa akin."

"Excuse me, Cass. You're perfect. Nasa iyo na lahat. Guys like him are too dumb to do this to you! Wala kang katulad no! Beautiful, kind, smart, and of course, sexy." she chuckled and winked at me. "I swear, someone will come at the right time and he'll love you and he won't hurt you. Bus stop lang si Jake, hindi siya ang final destination."

"Ellie." my heart's beating so fast. Ni hindi ko nga siya matingnan pero naramdaman kong nakatitig siya sa akin. "Sa tingin ko, wala nang magmamahal sa akin lalo na pag lumaki ang tiyan ko."

Inipon ko lahat ng lakas na natitira sa sistema ko to see her reaction. At tulad ng inaasahan ko, nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya. Binaba niya ang tingin sa tiyan ko. There was a reason why I asked to alter the size of my dress.

"Forgetting him would be impossible. Lalo na if I have this... this child inside of me." I touched my belly trying to connect with my baby. "I think this is it, Ellie. This is my final destination."

I smiled bitterly. What an unexpected ending...