Once Upon An Us

I Do

I Do

WARNING: has mourning a loved one

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I wanted nothing more than to hold Lauren in my arms arms once more. Her sweet scent, her kind smile, her tender touch: just one night was too long apart for me. I needed her.

 I was so excited, I could barely sleep. With less than two hours of sleep, I hopped out of bed, quickly shaving and throwing on my tux. I didn't know what time it was, but the sun was up and I could hear my friends, Preston, Martin, and Gavin, bickering in the room beside mine.

"Harlan, you up yet?" Preston called.

"Yes!" I eagerly called back. How could I not? Today was the day! The day Lauren would be mine, and I would be hers! I couldn't wait!

Without knocking, they stumbled in. Preston was clean but not dressed, whereas Gavin and Martin were half asleep and stil needed a fresh shower and a quick shave.

"I hate morning people," Martin groaned, plopping onto my bed. Muffled by the sheets, he added, "And mornings."

"You hate everything," I riposted, messing with my bow-tie. Could not get any more ready for noon, when the reception would start. I wonder how Lauren was doing. Did she sleep well? Was she as ready and eager as I was? Was she nervous? Was she having second thoughts? Man, I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and to never let her go.

All I wanted was her.

It took some work and a bit of coffee, but I finally managed to get all the guys dressed, fed, and ready. With barely an hour to spare.

My parents came in to see me, telling me how everything else was going since I didn't know.

"Ren is almost ready, son. She's quite lovely," my dad smiled. I smiled back. I was so glad our families got along. It eased a bunch of stress on both Lauren and myself. "Everything is ready. Might even be able to start early."

Preston murmured something, shuffling out the door to check how things were going with the girls.

"Ah, my baby boy!" my mom gushed, pulling me into a hug. She pulled back, looking me over. "So handsome!" She attempted to pat a stubborn strand of hair down to no avail.

"Thanks, Mom." Our friends were forcing us to keep the tradition of not seeing each other before the alter, which was driving me crazy. All I wanted to do was be near Lauren. As time went on, I was feeling more and more anxious. I wanted this to be over with. I wanted Lauren to mine. I wanted to be Lauren's one and only, till death do us part.

I was starting to sweat as Preston pulled me to the alter. Mom gave me one last kiss to the cheek before sitting down beside Dad. Grace peeked in, getting a thumb's up from Preston. She ducked back behind the doors, keeping them closed for a few seconds before dramatically throwing the double doors open, revealing the most beautiful girl in the world.

Her eyes instantly locked with mine, and I barely resisted the overwhelming urge to run to her. Her father kept the slow pace, walking to the beat of the traditional music. Luckily, the runway was relatively short, and he was giving me her hand in about a minute.

I nodded my thanks, unable to take my eyes off Lauren. Her brown hair flowed elegantly around her shoulders. Her eyes sparkled with excitement and nervousness. Gently, I rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand.

"You look beautiful, love," I complimented.

"T- thanks. You don't look half bad yourself," she joked, fighting the blush that flushed her cheeks.

The minister began the ceremony, demanding silence. Lauren's breathtaking gaze never left mine, and I was worried I would faint from the lack of oxygen I seemed to be getting. 

"Do you, Harlan Havelock Hepburn, take Lauren Gina Taylor to be your lawfully wedded wife. To love and to hold, in sickness and in heath, for as long as you both shall live?"

Without hesitation, I answered, "I do."

"And do you, Lauren Gina Taylor, take Harlan Havelock Hepburn to be your lawfully wedded husband. To love and to hold, in sickness and in heath, for as long as you both shall live?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

I was jolted by a blaring noise, quickly opening my eyes and slamming the dreaded alarm clock's snooze button. I looked around at my bland room. Everything was a plain light grey, black, or white. I wasn't too into bright colors anymore. They just seemed out of place around me and my gloomy aura.

I looked at the empty space in the bed. It had been too long since her presence had warmed its spot. I turned my head, looking at the picture of Lauren smiling, my arms around her as I, too, looked into the camera, peered into my soul. I picked the picture frame from my bedside table as tears sprang to my eyes.

It had been years since her death, but I could not get over it. I couldn't forget. I couldn't move on. I was trapped, spiraling downwards into a pit of guilt and depression. It felt like my life was over without Lauren, like life wasn't worth living anymore.

All I ever wanted was to grow old with her. To have children and grandchildren visit our perfect house at the edge of the woods. To watch our children find love, and maybe a few of our grandchildren as well.

But fate was cruel. Fate took my love from me before she could be mine and before I could be hers. Now all I wanted is the chance to say, "I love you," one last time. Was that too much to ask?

"No. No, Ren, please no."

Her picture didn't respond, just stared back at me through the glass, smiling like nothing could go wrong. 

A sob broke through me, and I clutched the frame to my chest, sobbing, "Ren! Lauren! Ren, please!"

I wanted to be mad at her for leaving me here. I wanted to not miss her and to find another girl who could make me just as happy. But I couldn't. And I'm not sure if I ever can.

Those thoughts made me feel horrible. Lauren deserves to be loved, even after death. She doesn't deserve to be forgotten or left behind. She doesn't deserve to have such an unworthy lover. 

I'm sorry, Lauren. I should've done more. I miss you.

Lauren, if you can hear me from heaven, know that I love you.

Why? Why did she have to leave?

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