Venting book.

Its all down from here.

I really want to be happy. Like, so many people have amazing and positive attitudes. I just can't move on from things that have happened to me in the past. I wanna know their secrets. I try so incredibly hard to be happy, but it just comes off as fake and untrusting. The fuck am I supposed to do? Put on a mask and hope for the best? That's STILL fake.

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Maybe plastic surgery would help. I have an awful feeling of my body. I'm self conscious. I really do want to diet, but when Im sad, (which is often) I eat. Then, when I eat, I feel like I'm an unhealthy piece of shit, so I'm sad again, so I eat again. It's like a cycle of hell that's so repetitive that you just get used to it I guess.

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I like drawing. But then I look at other people, and I'm like "How did you draw that?!" It's so depressing when you see that literally everybody is better at drawing than you. It's so heartbreaking and a toll on my mental and emotional health. It makes me feel so shitty, and bad at everything. I'm so dramatic, honestly. FFS.

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