Losing Her Once

Bad Dreams

"Please don't take her away from me. Not again please!" I saw her clear as day so innocent.

"Wake up, Luke, wake up!" I felt hands wrap around me swallowing me like a warm sea.

"What- what's?" I said not sure about what was happening.

"You were dreaming again that's all." Mom said sitting on my damp rumpled covers I could smell last nights alcohol on her breath.

"I still see her every night in my dreams I just want it to stop, Mom." I said resting my head against the head board of my bed.

"I know, Honey, It's going to take time I know how much you loved her." Her speech slurred.

"How much longer will that be?" I feel so hopeless she was my everything. I know mom would never understand her and dad never had what we had together.

"I don't know maybe it's not a bad thing... to remember you know?" How could she say that? Why would someone want to be reminded of someone they lost constantly.

"Maybe not?" I said looking away from her. Even in a hangover she could see the truth.

"That's my boy." She squeezed my hand and gave me a half smile.

"Yeah." I said squeezing her boney fingers back.

"Get ready for school. How about pancakes?" She said now standing in my door way.

"With the syrup on the side." I said surprised at the offer. What has her in a drunken good mood.

I got dressed, brushed my teeth and hair, and took one last look in the mirror. I am fairly decent looking. People call me attractive but it's only for my eyes and hair. The two things about me that I hate about me are the things that people like. I make my way down stairs to the kitchen and that's when I see why my mom was in such a good mood.

"Hi, Honey I was hoping he would have left before you got down stairs." She said trying to push him out the door.

"I couldn't resist getting some of your mom's pancakes." He said grabbing her ass.

"What is that pig doing here?" I said I said taking her wrist and pulled her skinny bodied toward me.

"Look kid your mom is a grown woman besides I won't do her like your old man did." he said smirking.

"Hey this is my house I can have in it who every I want. Tom leave!"

"Fine." he said walking out the door.

"What? Don't give me that look."

"Can't you see how he disrespects you?"

"Look here I don't need a lesson on who I hang out with. He's good to me. The only one disrespecting me is you. Why can't you be happy for me" She said looking away from my eyes that seek the truth from hers.

"Yeah only when he wants something from you. I will be happy for you when the right person comes along. Not just who ever shows up and gives you a good time." I said walking away from her.

"Excuse me?" She said grabbing my arm and slapping me in the face. "Drive your damn self."

"Mom I'm sorry you know I didn't mean it like that." I said pleading her with my eyes.

"I know what you meant, I'm sorry that your mom is just such a disappointment to you, Son." she said walking into her room and shutting the door behind herself.

I just stood there looking after her. I never want to hurt my mom she raised me on her on. Disrespecting her was the last thing in my mind from what I though I was doing. I want to protect her by telling her the truth. Opening her eyes to what she was doing to her self.

I got the keys off the counter and put them in my back pocket. Grabbed a plate and ate the two pancakes left. I went to look for syrup then I see the empty bottle on the floor. Thanks to Tom I pick up the sticky bottle then wash my hands off in the sink. Along with my plate on fork.

I look at the time and I'm going to be late for school if I don't leave now. I walk out the front and lock it behind me. I throw my book bag into the back seat of the old beat down truck. Put the key in the ignition and turn the key. I take one look back at the house before heading down my old dirt road.

I don't like leaving my mm home alone. For one I never know what I'm ever going to walk in on. Mainly I just worried about her be alone. I often think maybe if she wasn't so alone she would forget guys like Tom. I thought I woke up from a bad dream then I walk right into another one.