Be Rude but Love Me | ✔

CHAPTER 38

I get up again. I need to find in. So I start calling out his name as I walk, praying that if he hears me he won't ignore me. As much as I know this is a safe place, the woods are still creepy with birds suddenly taking off and owls ululating. The snapping of branches underneath my foot scares me and I have to look down as I walk, choosing to march on dead leaves instead.

I'm still calling out Yann's name, head bowed down when I crash into someone. I jump in fright but two arms encircle me before I can start fleeing.

"Graham."

I immediately relax at the sound of his voice. "I've been looking for you," I say when my frightened heart stops beating frantically.

"So it seems."

No humor, no warmth in his voice whatsoever but I don't let it deter me.

"Are you alright?"

He lets me go and takes a step back, and I hate the distance between us. I squint my eyes in the dark to try and take a good look at his face but the moonlight is in my face and I can't see much besides his silhouette.

"I'm fine."

"Were you talking to Keven?"

He starts walking away and I follow him silently, walking by his side. Tentatively, I take his hand in mine and he lets me. Fingers intertwined, we walk side by side in the dark and I'm no longer scared of the weird noises of the night. I feel safe with him next to me.

He takes me to a place with many trees and he sits down against a trunk, pulling me in his arms so that I'm sitting in between his legs. I lean back against his chest and let his arms wrap protectively around me.

We sit for a moment in silence and I listen to his even breathing, feeling his breath on my neck and in my hair. Our chests rise and fall in sync. Up and down. Up and down. I close my eyes and snuggle closer to him, enjoying the warmth of his body.

"Yes," he suddenly says, breaking the silence. "I was talking to Keven."

I look up at him, hoping he can see my serious face even in the dimness of the night. "I'm serious," I say, "are you okay?"

He kisses my forehead softly and gives me a sad smile. "I haven't been okay since you came, Graham." Then he frowns and adds, "Or rather, I've never been better."

It's my turn to frown. "It's either one or the other. It can't be both."

He smiles down at me and says, "It's both," he insists, "this is what you do to me, Tracy. Make me feel like I can do anything then make me feel like all that I'm doing is wrong." I stare at him confused, expecting him to explain but all he says is, "One day, I'll explain it all."

"Just not today," I say.

He smiles at me, probably recalling the last time I said those three words to him. "Just not today," he repeats.

***

"I'm hungry," Lucy whines the next morning as we are all huddled in the small car.

"You just ate," Ellie complains as she strives to buckle her seatbelt.

"Ellie, get the car moving so we can get some wind. Your car's too cheap to have AC." Will grumbles.

"Shut it, you twat! I'm working on it."

She's already sweating from the heat the morning sun offers so kindly. I am on the verge of depression, Lucy on the verge of tears, Ellie on the verge of lunacy, Will on the verge of murder, James on the verge of annoyance, and Yann on the verge of nothing.

His eyes are capturing the landscape outside the car window he's looking through. The side of his head rests against the glass, his hands are clasped in his lap and he's lightly bouncing his feet on the car floor.

"Damn! Stop, dude!" Will exclaims out of nowhere to him.

 Ever since we woke up this morning, Will's been grouchy, snapping at everyone. But apparently, Yann won't hold his tongue for him like everyone else did.

"Why don't you just shut it, huh?"

Will doesn't reply, he simply looks outside the window of the back seat. Sandwiched between the two of them with Lucy on my lap, I only wish to flee this car and be home already, in my guest room, in my bed.