Junior woke up very suddenly and in panic. His heart was beating so fast and the pain in his chest was suffocating him.
J: [Please, let it be just a bad dream. It cannot be true.]
He turned on the side and saw it. It was there, Blas' ring, the ring in which he engraved his promise to love him forever.
J: [And I will love you forever, as you said, love only takes a different form, it does not go away. So if our break has no turn back, then I only hope that my love will take a less painful form, but loving I will continue, till the end of my days, I am sure]
("¿Qué pasó?" "No tenía adonde ir, perdoname por venir sin avisarte" "No está todo bien, vení, pasá, vamos a tomar algo. ¿Qué te pasa?" "Blas? Me das un abrazo porfavor?" "Tranquilo. ¿Qué te pasa?" "No me preguntes nada, abrazame porfavor")
("¿Qué te pasa?" "Vos me pasas. Hablé con Chipi y le conté toda la verdad." "¿Qué verdad?" "Que me pasan cosas c... Le dije que estaba muy confundido. Y a vos qué te pasa?" "Vos me pasas")
("Por qué haces esto?" "¿Qué cosa?" "Venir acá a casa, cuidarme." "Porque te quiero... Como amigos obvio." "Claro sí, como amigos.")
Junior took the ring in his hand. It was cold and it radiated such a pain through all his body that he had to put it back. He couldn't handle it. Something must be done. J: [I have to do something. I cannot let things just the way you are. You have always been there for me. Now it is my turn to look for you and repair all of this].
He took his phone to call Blas. He had the number on speed dial. What else, when Blas was always the first choice, the first person to go to, whenever and for whatever reason. He was his energy, his refuge, his consolidation.
J: [Will there be someone else in his place?]
("Todavía sigo temblando, soy un gil" "No, no sos un gil, sos un genio. Vení. Sos un genio, de verdad. Mejor? " "No, pero no me sueltes.")
Following this thought a knife just cut a piece off his heart. His hands were sweating but he called anyway. No answer. Voice mail.
J: Blas, please answer. We need to talk. It does not have to be this way. Don't do this.
And he hung up.
J: [Don't do this? Here we go again Junior. Immediately a bad one. He is not doing anything by himself. It is the both of us. I am such an idiot. OK, I will try again later]
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Blas couldn't sleep the whole night. He spent the night in the couch, burning with fever, his body trembling, his heart skipping beats. His arm was already bleeding, because he wouldn't stop scratching it with his hand.
B: [It is for the best. It would be so selfish from me to keep him if I cannot give him what he needs. And at this moment I cannot. And he deserves to be happy. I deserve to be happy as well. And it was true when I said that I was tired. Just not in the way I said it. I am tired, because it is me that is falling into pieces. It is me that needs to crush into his arms. But I cannot ask that from him. He is broken as well. I know that he would hold me tight, only if I ask. I know he will. But it will destroy him. He first needs to heal. And I cannot help him. Not now. Hopefully someone else can. Or he himself maybe, I don't know]
("¿Qué te pasa?" "Vos me pasas. Hablé con Chipi y le conté toda la verdad." "¿Qué verdad?" "Que me pasan cosas c... Le dije que estaba muy confundido. Y a vos qué te pasa?" "Vos me pasas")
("Blas!" "Qué?" "Gracias... Por cuidame." "De nada.")
("¿Qué pasa? ¿Por qué me mirás?" "No, es que me cae super bien la gente que te mira a los ojos y sin preguntarte nada ya entendió todo.")
His heart leaped once more when the his phone started ringing. It is Junior.
B: [I cannot talk. I cannot hear him broken. I cannot face his pain, pain that I have caused]
("Sabes que me tienen las pelotas llenas, todos en esta casa, con este tema? Ustedes, pero que se piensan, que no tienen nada más que hacer que andan hablando de mi todo el tiempo? Son mis cosas. A ustedes que les importa que hago yo con mi sexualidad? No, vos no me conocés papa, vos no tenés idea de nada. Eso es lo que pasa, no me conocés. No, no, no. Vos no vas a echar a nadie de esta casa. Blas se queda acá ok? No, no está todo claro, porque yo no sé si me gustan los chicos o si me gustan las chicas. Lo que importa acá es que a ustedes no les tiene que importar que hago yo con mi vida! Ok? No estoy confundido, no me jodas!")
One time, two times, three times. It went silent again. Another sound from the phone, another leap in Blas' heart. A voice mail. Trembling Blas found the energy to hear the message.
J: Blas, please answer. We need to talk. It does not have to be this way. Don't do this.
B: [Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. Yes, I know Junior, I don't want to do it, but there is no other way. I don't know otherwise. I cannot do better. That's me, just another broken boy, that cannot handle love.]
He left the phone aside. It was too much to take.
J: [I will not give up. I have to try again. I have to make things right again]
That day Junior tried to call Blas three times.
That day Blas could not find the energy nor courage to answer.
That day many things were left unsaid.
("La rubia? No, no me gusta la rubia. A vos quién te gusta?" "No te voy a decir" "Ah no me vas a decir?" "Igual te digo algo, sos muy pendejo para ella" "Sh sh sh, cómo que muy pendejo para ella? Yo no soy más el mismo chico que antes . Ya crecí eh." "Ya me di cuenta" "Para que te quede claro. Me queres medir? A ver que tal pendejo soy?" "Que, me estás desafiando? Salí de acá" "Escuchame, escuchame" "Saliii" "Nos medimos, dale nos medimos!")
