bittersweet / fillie

i miss you

i'm really sorry this story isn't going anywhere.
there isn't really anyone reading this so i'm kind of contemplating an end to this story.
but this chapter holy!1!1!1

millie

finn and i are back to 'the old finn and millie.'

all we've been doing is bickering like usual, like nothing ever happened between us.

if i'm being honest,

i hate it.

i want him back.

ever since i had that dream a couple weeks ago, my feelings towards him have grown. i don't think he feels the same.

•

i lay in my room, staring at the ceiling. i hear talking in the room next to mine. it's finn and charlie, like usual.

i want to tell him how i feel, because honestly it's eating me alive. that small make out sesh was everything i needed and more.

i say fuck it in my head and pull myself off of the bed. i head towards charlie's room, opening the door to the two of them playing video games.

"finn can i talk to you really quick?" i ask innocently.
"uh i'm kinda busy?" he says it more of a question, but rudely.

i roll my eyes and look over at charlie, whose nose is glued to the screen in front of him. i walk over to the outlet where the tv and xbox was plugged in, and i pulled them out, causing the tv to go black.

"what the fuck?!" finn yells, and charlie groans.
i walk over to finn, grabbing his arm, and heading out of the room as charlie flings himself onto his bed. we reach my room, and i slam the door after me.

"just talk to me, please?" i ask, nearly begging.
his face is annoyed, and he won't look at me.
"what did i ever do to you?" i ask.
still no answer.

"this probably isn't anything you want to hear but i miss you, and i want what we had that day. it felt right, for me at least." i admit, letting the words i've been wanting to say spill out of my mouth.

i have his attention now, and his eyes are staring deep into mine.
"i don't want to.." he starts, and then looks away.

"you don't want to what?" i ask, coming closer to him.
"i don't want to hurt you." the familiar words ringing in my head.
"that's the least of my worries, finn." i say, taking his hands. he gives me an unsure look, and i smile, going on my top toes to kiss his cheek. i pull away and his face is red.

"so what do you say?" i ask.
"i want to, and i want you. but i don't want it to end badly." he says, letting go of my hands.

"god, stop thinking of the outcome more than the actual experience. who cares if we have the time of our lives together and it ends badly? i sure as hell don't, because i'll be with you for as long as we want to be together. it's not about how it ends it's about the fun you've had while it lasted." i raise my voice a little, trying to get my point across. i really am tired of him saying that.

he gives me a look of defeat, and pulls me in a hug. i flinch at first but then melt into it. i didn't realize i was crying until i sniffled.

i pull away.
"i'm sorry i just-"
i get cut off by his lips connecting with mine.
relief washes over me as well as the butterflies flying in my stomach. his hands automatically fall to my waist, and my hands rest on his chest. he pulls me closer, sending shivers down my spine.

he pushes me up against my door, creating a small thud. his hands leave my waist and meet my hands. his fingers interlock with mine and he presses them against the door on either sides of my head. we stay like that for a second, then i let go of his hands and pull up his shirt. we disconnect our lips so that he can take it off. as soon as our lips lock once again, he whispers 'jump' into my ear. i jump, and he catches me under my upper thighs. the next thing i know i'm being set down on my desk, making another small thud.

he kisses me roughly, sliding his slender fingers up my shirt. his hands hug my ribs and i lean into him even more. i cross my arms and the bottom of my shirt, peeling it off of me. when it's completely off, i look up at finn. he blushes and i giggle.

"you're beautiful."

my heart skips a beat and i pull his neck into another kiss.

his hands trail down to my bare waist, and down to my upper thighs. i'm wearing shorts, so his fingers slip under the bottom of the shorts. his hands go further as my heart beats faster. i place my hands on his, and pull his hands down to my knees.

he pulls away, and furrows his eyebrows, then his face goes soft.

"i'm sorry, was that too far?" he asks with a worried expression.
"no no no i'm just not used to it, i'm sorry." i say, and he looks down.

i realize his embarrassment and i automatically feel terrible.
i jump off the desk without thinking, and pull down my shorts.

his eyes widen and he turns around.

what the fuck did i just do??

realization washes over me and i shrug it off.
i take finns shoulders and i turn him to face me again.

"i thought you-..i-i-" he stutters, taking quick glances at my body.

i take his hands and put them on my waist. i go on my tip toes and kiss him gently. i take his hands and interlock them with mine. he grabs my waist, and lightly pushes me onto my bed. he crawls on top of me, mesmerization in his eyes.

he kisses me again, and his hand rests on my shoulder, playing with my bra strap. he peels it off of my shoulder, and caresses my bare shoulder and collar bone. his lips leave mine and to my cheek, down to my jawline then my neck. i close my eyes with my lips slightly parted, turning my head a little more, giving him more access. he kisses my collar bone and my shoulder, and i tug at his curls. his lips meet mine again, and his slender fingers go down to my underwear.

he's in the middle of tugging them off of me when three knocks on my bedroom door send us jumping off my bed and scrambling to get our clothes back on.

"uh what are you guys doing in there?" charlie's voice is muffled through the door.
"just talking." i say, while pulling my pants up.
"then why is the door locked?" he asks skeptically.

i turn to finn, hoping he knew an excuse.
"because this is private." finn answers. it's not the best excuse, but it's better than what i would have thought of.

"oh uh... i was gonna order some pizza, you guys down?" charlie asks.
"yeah." finn and i both reply quickly. we turn to each other and lightly giggle.

it's good to be back.

____

:)

okay so i just listened to "the 1975's" new song "love it if we made it," and omg wOw