bittersweet / fillie

bad habits

back to the longer chapters!!
there's some drug use in this chapter, you've been warned.

finn

the whole drive home i thought about millie. about what happened.

was i about to kiss her?

half of me wants to believe that i did, and that i wanted to.
but the other half is resisting to accept it.

i got back to my house, seeing my mom and dads cars in the driveway. i groan, getting out. before i open the door, i hear muffled yelling and arguing, and i try to open the door as quietly as i can, the yelling clear now. i tiptoe on the way to my room, taking a glance into the kitchen to see my parents firing back at each other, throwing their arms in the air angrily in debate.

i roll my eyes and enter my room, closing the door. i walk over to my record player, and shuffle through the 60 records that sit in a crate next to it. i pull out a 1969 copy of the letterman's "i have dreamed." i carefully place the needle on the first track on the first side.

i plop down on my bed as the first song plays.

i cant stop thinking about millie.

the last thing i want is feelings.

why am i worried about that? i hate millie. and i always will.

millie

all i've done since finn left is lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

i'm trying to shake off the feeling.

i'm torn from my thoughts as charlie rushes into my room, out of breath and seeming extremely worried.
"i don't know where mom is. she's not laying in her room, and her car isn't in the driveway. millie i can't even remember the last time she was sober, let alone drive." he says.
he's pacing back and forth with his hands on the sides of his head.

him and my mom were really close before dad died. dads death hit me harder because mom was his buddy and dad was mine.

"okay, calm down i'll help you look."
i put my hands on his shoulders in reassurance and he stops pacing.

•

we get into my car and i begin to drive.

"what if she got in an accident?" he turns to face me.
"she won't be, she probably just went to the bar, and didn't feel like walking like she usually does."

'hawkins tavern' is just a few blocks from my house. mom always walks there, because she gets rides home from men almost every time.

we arrive to the tavern and her car isn't in the parking lot.

"do you think-" charlie starts, "do you think she went to visit dad?" i see the tears in his eyes.
"do you want to check?" i ask.
he nods, and i pull out of the lot.

•

we arrive at the cemetery. it's raining now, pretty much pouring. i park the car, and charlie's eyes widen and he jumps out of the car, already getting soaked. he starts to jog, and i furrow my eyebrows. i follow the direction he's in, and i see my mom standing still, staring down at a gravestone.