In The Dark

The Lights

The dorm I was going to stay in was beautiful. It was one of the only few options the old money perfectionists that I call my parents, would choose for their daughter to live in for the next year. The building is an old house in the forest, which used to be the Penthouse of a politician in the 1920s. It's 10 minutes away from the city, if you take the car and reminds you of a little secret castle.

A fit happy girl with black long hair and jogging trousers, asks me questions and laughs at simple jokes of mine, when I first came. I find out that her name is Madeleine and she's a french girl with Norwegian origin.

"You probably aren't vegan, are you?" She hugs her knees, sitting on kitchen chair and drinking a camomile tea with me, in the dorm's kitchen. It is filled with flowers, has a floor of typical french tiles and an antique french porcelain lamp, offering us some comfortable dim light.

I shake my head. "So I guess you are?" She nods. "Damn it! I never get to live with some vegans" she punches the table with fake frustration. I smile. "Don't try to convert me!" "No worries, Bernard! I've tries too much with my siblings. I gave up by now. Do you mind me calling you with your surname? I do that with everyone. Like in sports, you know?". "No, don't worry. So...Do you do sports?", I ask her. "You don't know that? Don't tell me you haven't stalked me before you came?"

"Did you?", I ask. She pretends she's embarrassed about that. "Okay...?". I say and can't help but smile. "What do you know?" "You grew up in New York, Manhattan. Your parents are lawyers and you had some fun posts online, before like a year ago. That... would be all". If it just were that. There is a reason for the silence and why I don't explain  . "And now I got accepted by the Med Uni. I don't want to show off or anything, but I'm pretty proud of that. I studied so hard. You wouldn't believe". "Bernard, I'm the queen of showing off. So no worries and congrats".

I like Madeleine. She seems like a person I want to be like. Not afraid of the world, open-minded and strong. And so full of positive self-esteem that it could inspire you. She darts her eyes at the door. "See who we got here!" She puts on a cheeky face expression. It's a brunette guy with a forced smile and a suit. "Joseph", he greets, like a business man would do. My parents talk like that too, when they meet new people. They also tend to be too formal at home as well, but that's a different story. "Giselle", I say.

We sit around and joke. With time he's gotten less cautious around me. "Okay, let me tell you a good reason why Star Wars is better than Star Track. The story of Anakin Skywalker", I say. "Wow. That can only come from someone who has only watched one Star Treck Movie", Joseph says. "I've seen none of those movies", Madeleine hides her face in her knees. "Hey", Joseph answers his phone. Madeleine rolls her eyes, covers her face away from Joseph and whispers loud enough: "Oh my god! Is it a girl?", she puts her ear on his phone and says like a child: "It is". We laugh. Only Joseph is not laughing and leaves the room.

"I think we'll have a visitor tonight", Madeleine says. "His girlfriend?", I ask. She smiles. "No. He doesn't have girlfriends. He's  too much of a perfectionist for one. I guess some people like it that way". After a pause she asks me: "Do you have a boyfriend?" I sigh. "No. I'm also not really dating right now.... Life is only studying and sports those days. You?" "I do have one". Her smile brightens a little. "He's a little bad. But... that's what keeps it interesting".

Madeleine went to bed early, because her training starts at 6.  I put my stuff into my room and went to the living room afterwards. Joseph really got a visitor. A beautiful blond girl, that looks like an Instagram model. They go into his room and leave me on my own. I counted. This dorm has four rooms. Madeleine told me that student number four will probably come home a little later and that I didn't need to worry. He should be a nice guy.

I'm reading a psychology magazine and drinking my third tea, when I see a stranger enter the living room. It's a guy with pitch black hair, a darker skin and a nice face. His wet hair proves that he felt the rough rain that I've heard before. He seems surprised about me. "Hello?", he asks. "Hi". For a second he seems confused, but then he gives me a smile. "You're our new dorm mate?" "I am". He comes to me and reaches his hand for a handshake. "I am Aarav". "Giselle"

"What are you reading?", he asks after he changed into Pajamas and has taken a shower. He took his food with him and started eating at the living room table, which would be dinner at 9 p.m. . I'm smelling the scent of his orange  shower gel."Is this Psychology?" "Yes". "So you study it?", he asks. "No. I study medicine". "So you're just reading for your amusement?" I nod a little shy. I wonder if he can see through, me not having much more in life, than those magazines, sports, medication and studying. He seems a little surprised and impressed, which feels pretty nice.

"So what do you study?", I ask him. "Medicine". He grins. "Hello Colleague. What semester are you in?" "Third. First year's thank god past me". "So are you from France?", I ask. "No, I came from London, but I love french baguette. I couldn't resist it. You? You're clearly not from France". "Interesting Aarav". I smile. "No. I'm from New York. I came for the poetic language". "You like poetry?" "I love poetry. My life is a poem", I say. I try to remind myself to keep my guard up, but Aarav's trusting face and sincere smiles are making that hard. I don't have many friends, but I used to have a lot, that I did trust. They ended up selling my and my families secrets to the newspapers. 'My life is a poem', could also be interpreted as : Giselle Bernard hallucinating under drug influence. Again! News of spoiled girl!

"Mine is a psycho thriller", he says, after he thought about it for a while. I examine him. Does he know me? That would explain, why he's trying to get to know me so fast. Or I'm just being paranoid. "That's my life as well". For a while it's quiet and I wonder, if he also has demons haunting him in lonely hours.

Suddenly, the lights go off. My heart rate goes up and I frantically look for some sign of light. "A...Aarav". I breathe in deeply. "Just a second". I hear his deep voice in the kind of darkness, you experience in a house in the woods at nighttime. I slowly breathe out and look around for my phone, which should be on the table. When I find it I get blinded by the light of Aarav's phone. "So much to psycho thrillers, huh". He finds the situation amusing.

"You okay". The light of the living room goes on again. I breathe deeply in and slowly out. "You're pale, you know". I hold onto myself a little stronger. "I am a little scared of the dark", I say and dare to look at him again. To my surprise he truly looks concerned. "That must be tough". I nod and try to swallow down how embarrassed I am about that.

I look at my psychology magazine. My heart rate goes up again. "Have you flipped the pages of my magazine?", I ask. "No why?" I look at page 94/93. The Power of Love. It's an article about the extreme things people are capable to do, when they are in love. It's about how people turned to liars, murderers and stalkers. It's an article I'm scared of, because it shows how extreme we can act, when we are addicted. Get yourself out of control and you'll end up like a criminal as well. That's one of my biggest fears. I didn't open that page.

"No reason. Sorry". Maybe I'm just going crazy. "I'm not", I remind myself. "Are you okay?", he asks me. "Who cares what he thinks", I tell myself. "It's just, I didn't flip it to that page. I'm sure. There is no wind. So... I'm just confused", I say. He observes me. "Are you sure you're okay?" Of course, he doesn't believe me. I shake my head. I probably flipped it myself anyway. "It's just a little late. I think I'll go to bed soon".

***

So... This was my first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it :)

I try my best to write frequently and I'd love constructive criticism. Only if someone feels like it, of course.

Giselle, the protagonist, she suffers from mental illnesses. I just want to point out that everyone experiences a mental illness differently. Giselle's case is not so severe, so if things may seem easy to her sometimes, it may not be as easy for someone else, suffering from fears and anxieties ( and Spoiler alert: addiction).

I just don't want anyone to feel down :( Those illnesses can be tough, but just keep on fighting them. You can always be stronger than the illness! ;)

Stay beautiful and love life :)