One Step Ahead

Getting To Know You ( implied smut )

      "No, because I know them," Briar flatly told him. "Now that Sylvia and my Uncle Derek are gone, I guess I'd have to say that I get along best with my mom, but that's at a distance."

      "Would it be pushy of me to ask why?" Ashley inquired.

      "Well, my mom is basically a jellyfish, my grandfather doesn't give a shit about anything unless he can make money from it, my dad makes Mick Jagger look like a fucking cloistered monk, and my brother is his Mini-Me. My father's sister is a worthless bitch, and don't even get me started on my grandmother!"

      "Pretty strict, huh?"

      "Tell me something, Ash," she said in response. "Have you ever seen 'The Gilmore Girls'?"

      Looking puzzled at the apparent change of subject, he said, "My ex-girlfriend was a fan, so I've seen a few episodes, yeah. Why?"

      "Because if you've seen it, you should understand when I tell you that my grandmother is Emily Gilmore, but not nearly as sweet and cuddly," was her response. "Her primary goal in life is to be in control of everything and everyone around her, and if she can't do it, then she has no use for you. If she says 'Jump,' everybody else in the family just asks 'How high?' Hell, my parents have been married for almost thirty years, and my mom has gotten her way on something she wanted precisely once. And that was only because giving in got my grandmother something she wanted."

      "Okay, now you've made me curious," Ashley informed her. "What was so important that someone you call a 'jellyfish' would stand up to this tyrant."

      "My name. From what I understand, Mom was obsessed with fairytales when she was a kid, and told everybody what name she had picked for her future daughter when she was six or seven."

      "I kinda wondered about that," Ashley interrupted. "Would I be correct in assuming that your middle name is Rose?"

      "Ooh, you're a smart fellow, you win a cookie!" she shot back, handing him an Oreo from the packet on the end table. "My brother is two years older than me, and my dad chose his name, so Mom was thrilled when she found out I was a girl. But when she told everyone the name, my grandmother was appalled. From what I heard, she nagged my mom for weeks, telling her that it was a ridiculous name, and completely unsuitable."

      "But something obviously changed her mind."

      "Yeah, my great-grandmother," she rejoined. "She was Emily Gilmore's mother-in-law on steroids, and apparently got it into her head that I should be named after her. And as soon as that was on the table, my grandmother did a complete reversal. Mom told me that she overheard them one day, and that my grandmother was telling Great-Gran, 'Well, Mother Malveaux, Cyril chose William's name, so it's only fair that Mavis have her turn with this one. But I'm sure they'll be amenable to naming the next one for you.' But she didn't let her in on the fact that the doctor had already told my mom not to have any more after me, of course. But it got her one-up on her mother-in-law, and still gave her a way to avoid being blamed."

      "Out of curiosity, what was your great-grandma's name, anyway?"

      Grimacing slightly, she replied, "Edwina Mildred Lucille."

      He stared for several seconds, seemingly at a loss for words. Finally, he shook his head slightly and said, "No, doesn't work. I can't see you as an Eddie."

      "Thank God for that!" she exclaimed. "But we kind of lost track of what we were doing here. I thought we were gonna find something decent to watch!"

      Taking the hint that she didn't want to talk any more about her family, Ashley retrieved the remote and pulled up the program guide. After discussing, and passing on, several options, something caught Ashley's eye. "Hey, I wanted to see this movie when it came out, but we were on tour and I never had the time! Do you mind?"