Growing

Chapter 10

Mark:

If the perfect relationship had a color, which would it be? The answer was simple. It was purple. People would say it was red because red was the color of love. But a relationship needed more than just love.

It needed trust. And the color of trust was blue. Red and blue made purple. You needed both to create the perfect harmony. A relationship only built on either love or trust wouldn't be able to last long.

Of course, love was a much stronger emotion itself but trust was more important. Many people didn't know that, although it wasn't hard to understand. The explanation was quite easy.

If you loved someone, you would do anything for them, to protect them from any harm and to protect yourself from losing them. Even if that meant to lie and keep secrets. Love could be a little selfish.

If you trusted someone, even if it was someone you loved, you would share everything with them, the happiest memories, the darkest secrets. You would even risk to hurt and lose them. Trust was selfless.

A good relationship, no matter if between lovers, friends or family members, needed both in equal amounts. The perfect balance between giving and taking, being selfless and being selfish.

Sometimes it happened that this balance began to waver. The fear to lose your loved one got to big, the wish to be selfish grew more and more. You started to keep secrets, to lie to the people around you.

Although keeping a secret was different from lying itself, a secret and a lie could cause similar damages. The truth would stay untold, they continued living, forgetting that everything was built on a lie.

I had always been a honest person, had never kept any secret that involved other people's lives as well because everyone deserved the truth, no one should have to live a lie without knowing.

And yet, there was one thing I hadn't told anyone about. There had been many chances to tell someone but I had never found the courage to do so and now it was too late. I had waited too long.

Nearly two years had passed, our lives had gone their way. The truth would cause a storm, it would destroy everything and make my world fall apart. I couldn't risk that, I didn't want to risk that.

Yes, maybe I was selfish. This wasn't just about me. It involved everyone in my life. I kept a secret from only one person but lied to everyone else to make sure neither this person nor anyone else would find out.

I knew I would have to say something if I didn't want to lie my whole life. But I was afraid. I would hurt the people I loved. It was an endless battle between my heart and my logical thinking.

"You know, Hakyeon has told you that you can leave about ten minutes ago." Taekwoon told me quietly which brought me back to reality. He was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed.

I placed my towel on the counter and looked at him. "I didn't even hear you coming in." I admitted and he didn't seem surprised at all. "I can tell. You didn't react when I greeted you." He answered.

His dark eyes observed me silently while I walked through the cafe and collected my things. If I had been allowed to go home ten minutes ago, Jinyoung would probably wonder where I was.

My best friend helped me to take care of Lily as long as Jackson wasn't there. He even spent the majority of nights sleeping at my apartment and cooked dinner and brought Lily to bed when I had to work late.

"I hope I didn't seem rude." I said with a light smile. Taekwoon shook his head softly. "Don't worry. I'm friends with Sanghyuk and Jaehwan. I've definitely seen worse." He explained calmly.

I gave the elder another short smile before I started to pack my things. Today had been a little stressful and the only things I wanted now were food and my beloved bed. And maybe cuddling my baby if she was awake.

I thoughtfully played with the zipper of my backpack and let out a sigh. "Have you ever kept a secret from Hakyeon? Like a very big secret?" My sudden question seemed to get Taekwoon by surprise.

I actually hadn't planned to ask this question out loud but maybe it was a good idea to ask someone who didn't know much about me or my current situation. Maybe he could give me some neutral advice.

"Of course, I've had a few little secrets when I was planning on surprising him and there might be a few things he doesn't know because it isn't necessary but a big secret? Never." He answered calmly.

"We're in a relationship. I share my secrets, worries, problems and also happiness with him and I trust him that he shares his with me, too. Why would you be together, if you didn't trust another?" He explained further.

I let out a long sigh and bit my lower lip. He was right. Why would you have a relationship with someone you didn't trust without any doubt? Of course, you loved them. But what was love without trust?

"I guess you're right." I mumbled, feeling guilty. I should trust Jackson, I should've trusted him long ago. But I had kept it to myself, carried it with me for too long, had built everything we had on a lie.

If I had told the younger at first place, we wouldn't have become friends, we wouldn't have become a couple, maybe we wouldn't even have gotten along and we most likely wouldn't be raising Lily together.

"I don't know anything about your current situation so I can't give you any certain advice but I think you should do whatever feels right to you." Taekwoon told me, his voice low but calm.

I nodded slowly and ran a hand through my hair. "Thanks for advice. I really appreciate it. Good night." I said to the elder and made my way out of the cafe with a heavy heart and a mess in my head.

I had never thought about telling Jackson about my secret before and I wasn't sure where those thoughts suddenly came from. They definitely came too late. I couldn't speak up without destroying everything.

If my life was a house, my secret, my lie, would be like the foundation stone of it. If I told the truth now, destroyed the foundation stone, the house would collapse and never be able to be build up again.

I was afraid because I knew it would happen sooner or later and maybe I deserved it. I had taken too much, been too selfish, only thought of myself and not of everyone else. Maybe it was some kind of karma.

Fate was punishing me, giving me what I deserved for waiting too long, from hiding what should've been said a long time ago. And if I waited even longer, the payback would be worse, more painful.

No one, especially not me, knew what would happen in the future. Jackson, Lily and many other people deserved the truth and I knew that one day, I would have to overcome my fear and reveal it.

-

Guess who's back?

I really hope you like this chapter!

I thought it would be nice to bring some excitement in this book. Of course, their family life is cute and all this but I don't think I could write more than 15 chapters without some fire in here.

So what could happen? What is Mark's secret? Could it really destroy their lives? Or is he just making the drama bigger than it is? Will he tell someone? How will things be when Jackson comes back?

Thanks for reading 💙