the journal - h.s.

92

But Amber chuckled at his bluntness, “it’s fine. I’m actually starving too.”

“I hope it turned out okay,” I mumbled as Louis peeked into the pot with a suspicious gaze, “of course it did, Haz. We made it afterall.” I couldn’t help snorting over his 180 degrees turn over the result and as on cue Jenny stepped into the kitchen as well with a huge beam, “that’s indeed reassuring - so are you coming? Louis and I found three different movie options so you get to make the final call.”  

Amber looked up at me with a burning smile that ignited everything inside of me as her eyes sparkled with excitement. She was a star and I was just painfully lucky to be allowed to see her shine, “maybe you’ll finally get to watch your first Disney!” I couldn’t help but laugh with her, as Louis motioned to be puking while Jenny awed loudly. I grabbed Amber by the waist and she yelled out in surprise as I pulled her into my chest and started kissing her neck, while my fingertips tickled her. God she was addictive. Meanwhile Louis started bellowing about how ‘men didn’t watch Disney movies’ to which Jenny loudly exclaimed that ‘you still get emotional over Mufasa’s death’. Louis had sent her another of his infamous death glares.

“Okay! Okay! Then an action one!” Amber screamed in between the giggles and I finally let her go not able to stop from laughing myself either.

I watched her follow Louis till they were out of the kitchen and Jenny immediately said, “I still don’t like it though.” She lowered her voice further and we could hear the music being turned up, while Louis cracked up loudly over something.

“I still don’t get why you won’t just tell her. But the way you look at her - jesus fucking christ, Harry,” she sighed heavily before she grabbed a fork and a bottle of coke from the fridge, “I hope you know what you’re doing. Because you obviously should not fuck this up. I’d say she’s too good for you - but shitty as it is you’re actually fucking legend; it’s like Ben and Jerry you know? Or coke and popcorn, summer and sun what the hell do I know - it’s just right.”

“I know,” she handed me the large coke to carry and I nodded slowly. Though Jenny was wrong about one thing; Amber was too good for me.

She continued in the intense whisper; “I almost got her convinced to come and stay with Perrie and me over the weekend. So if you could just tell her of it being a ‘great idea’ then we got you… covered.”

My eyes flickered shamefully to the floor; I didn’t want Jenny to lie for me - but on the other hand I didn’t want Amber within a hundred miles radius of my father. And she would be worried sick if she had to just sit at home and wait - it was better with her not knowing simply.

“Thank you, Jenny,” I mumbled as my eyes found hers, “I owe you.”

The red head lifted the fork at me, “just promise me this won’t end with some shit like me regretting anything.” Stifled chuckles escaped my lips; if only she knew what I had in mind for my father. If anyone would end up regretting anything it would without doubt be him. Regret that he ever invited me - not to mention blackmailed me into coming, regret that he had brought Amber into this, regret that he’d been such a lousy father and person. If anyone was to end up with that feeling; it was him.

 

No one had dared to try it yet. Jenny poked suspiciously to mix on her plate and looked up at me, “so mind sharing with us what it … is? Or maybe I don’t want to know?” I almost threw a pillow from the couch at her, but as Amber started laughing beside me I decided not to because it would probably result in Jenny forcing me to clean up her spilled plate with dinner or something.

“Well Jenny - first of all there’s a decent amount of meat, vodka, and just a pinch of love from Harry,” Louis answered with his sassy tone; he was sitting at the floor leaned up against Jenny’s armchair closest to the television. He had been fixing the movie and I watched as Jenny nudged his head making him cringe in surprise.

“I think it’s pretty good actually,” with great surprise my eyes flickered to Amber who held her fork up while even Louis had peeked his head up to stare at her with horror, “wait you actually took a bite?”

She laughed softly and rolled her eyes at him, “yeah - Harry always makes things work if he puts enough effort into it - haven’t you noticed?” I looked up baffled to see even Jenny daring to take a bite now. Some sort of wicked pride warmed my chest while my eyes found Amber’s and she send me a soft caring smile; she actually meant it. For a moment Louis seemed to consider her words and then he narrowed his eyes in a surprised manner, “I guess so.”

I looked at her; our legs were touching as we were seated here on the worn velvet couch as close as we could. She placed the plate back on the little coffee table next to mine and pulled her legs up under her while she moved even closer to me; I had this strange mix of once again being nervous over Thursday, being happy because she sneaked her arms around me while cuddling closer yet, and having this annoying feeling of this being the last normal meal somehow. I couldn’t explain why - I just knew something was going to change drastically. So I didn’t really bother trying out the dish I had put so much effort into as my appetite was replaced by slightly growing fear; instead I lifted my arm and pulled her into my chest, while Jenny pressed the ‘play’ button. Louis seemed to like the meal too and everything seemed comfortably normal, as the tunes from the movie introduction started playing.

I could feel Amber’s heart beat against my chest, as her cheek rested against my collarbone. I sluggishly drew lazy circles into her shoulder as she followed the plot of the movie; Jenny and Louis would complain about bad acting or make jokes that made her giggle. Meanwhile it felt like my chest slowly was filling up with pure gold from her glee, from her fingertips fiddling with my shirt, from the way her lavender scent came sneaking and in the end it was just part of us being together.

I couldn’t properly concentrate on the plot; instead I just enjoyed having her here while I let the thoughts flow. Having Louis and Jenny here, hearing them laugh and joke around and how I was able to pull Amber closer and place a kiss on her hand whenever I wanted to. And maybe that was exactly what I needed in order to prepare mentally for Thursday. I just needed her to be happy, safe and sound. She made me strong. She made it worth it all. She made me out to be better than I was or ever could be.

“I love you,” I whispered into her hair and she peeked up at me stealing another silent night kiss of flower petals and careful color explosions. 

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a/n: got like 0% power left waaah