Warning: This one might be triggering to some people. It contains sexual harassment. This is in no way trying to offend people who have experienced it. X
I was laying on my bed in my dark room staring at the ceiling. I couldn't stop thinking. I was thinking too much. I hate it. I hate that I can't forget what had happened. Dan and Phil were texting me for a few hours asking if I was okay because I wasn't answering anybody. I was just laying there thinking about what happened yesterday. It all happened so slow and I wish i could take that day back...
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my phone ring. I picked it up and saw that Dan was calling. I answered and put the phone up to my ear. "Y/N?' Dan said. "Hi Dan." I said. "Are you okay? You haven't been answering Me or Phil all day." "Yeah, sorry about that.. I was uh. Filming all day." (You're a youtuber also) "Oh, okay then. I'm glad nothing happened." I frowned knowing he doesn't know. I want him to know what happened. I mean he is my friend, but I just can't say it. Not yet at least. "So.." Dan said interrupting my thoughts again. "Do you maybe wanna come over? Hang out for a bit?" My heart started racing. A smile appeared on my face really fast. "Yeah, of course." "Awesome!" Dan said in excitement. I kinda laughed at how excited he was. "I'll be there in a few." I said smiling. "Alright, I will see you in a bit, bye." I put my phone down sighing.
I got up and took a real quick shower. A lot of thinking in the shower. Too much thinking.. again. I hopped out and put on some clothes and headed out the door and drove to their apartment. When I arrived I walked to their door and before I could knock, the door swings open and Dan is standing there with a huge smile on his face. I laughed a bit and gave him a big hug. My heart was fluttering. I love Dan. A lot. " Come in", Dan said after we pulled away. He stepped aside so i could walk in. I walked into their living room to see Phil playing a game. "Hey Phil." I said. Phil looked over "YN!" He said getting up to hug me. "We were worried. You haven't been answering us." "Yeah, she was busy filming." Dan said from behind. "Ohhh." Phil said "Thank God nothing happened to you." I frowned looking down at my feet. I got quiet. I started thinking about last night. I gulped and my eyes got wide. "YN?" Dan softly said putting a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?" I looked up and sniffled. "Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled. "Soo, should we watch a movie?" Phil asked. "Hell yeah." Dan said. I chuckled "Yeah"
Phil put in a movie. I don't know what movie it was but I wish he didn't pick it. I was sitting on the end of the couch, Dan was next to me and phil was kinda far away from us. There was a scene in the movie where a girl was getting sexually harassed. My breathing picked up as my eyes glared into the t.v not being able to look away. I wanted to look away. I just couldn't. My thoughts were all over the place. Flashbacks from last night. So many of them. I couldn't focus on anything else. I started sweating a bit. My hands were shaking and I didn't know what to do. My eyes started filling up with tears. I didn't let any go though. I didn't want Dan or Phil seeing me cry.
Dan looked over at me. "Y/N?, are you okay?" I looked up at him. He had concern written all over his face. "Are you crying'' "Uh... no. Sorry. i'm okay. Don't worry." "Are you sure?" "Im okay." you smiled. "If you say so." Dan look my hand and held it for the rest of the movie.
After we hung out I went home. I wish I didn't. That's where I think too much. Memories flood in. I hate it. All night I was sobbing and couldn't control it. "Maybe I should just not speak at all." I thought "I wonder how long it would take for somebody to notice if I just stop talking." I fell asleep crying, not answering texts or calls again. It lasted about a week of me not speaking to anyone. Some people just thought I was busy with youtube. Others were worried. Especially Dan. Text after text after call all week. No answer from me. I couldn't speak. My lips were chapped, my throat hurt, my lungs hurt from crying. I stood in front of my mirror and drew stitches over my mouth with a marker. I stared at myself for a long time. I was a mess.
