Secret Kisses (Seddie AU) ✔️

Fourteen

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"I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear neither of us could control what was happening to us."
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Freddie's POV

It was the day of Spencers funeral and exactly one month and nine days since I had last spoken to Sam. After that night at the hospital, she didn't keep in contact like she said she would. She was let out of hospital three days later and went back to L.A with Dice. Dice promised me he wouldn't get back with her as he knew how much I loved her.

The police had arrested Carly the night Sam was admitted into hospital. She was allowed to go to the funeral, but she had a police escort. All the officers would ruin the event, but it wasn't fair to ban Carly from her own brothers funeral. Her dad had returned when he heard about everything that had happened and lets just say, he wasn't very happy with his daughter.

I looked in the mirror and adjusted his tie when his mom walked in. She was also coming to the funeral because, even though she didn't agree with Spencer's choice of lifestyle, he was the closest thing I had to a dad and she was grateful for everything he did for me.

"You ready to go Freddie?"

"Yeah mom. I just- how am I meant to say goodbye to him? He was like my big brother and he always took care of me." I said, tears building up in my eyes.

"I know baby. We'll get through this together. How are you feeling about seeing Samantha again?"

"I don't know. I don't really like how we left things, but I know she needed time. I just hope she's sorted her life out enough to be with me."

My mom nodded in response, giving me a sympathetic look before we walked out to the car and drove to the funeral.

When we got there, there was already lots of people there. I left my mom talking to some random woman and went for a search for Sam. After a while of not finding her, I gave up and took a seat. Slowly, people started to sit down amongst me and soon enough, the ceremony began. The priest walked up to the stand and started speaking.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Spencer Shay. Before we begin, I give my condolences to Spencers father and his little sister, Carly Shay."

I stopped concerntrating after the priest started sprouting some religious nonsence. I zoned out and started thinking of Sam. Is she even here right now? Will she ever want to be with me again? Will we get our happy ending?

Before I know it, it's time for friends and family to say whatever they want about Spencer. His dad is the first to get up.

"Spencer was a funny, nice, quite irresponsible, kind hearted man. He didn't always think like an adult and he was pretty reckless but he came out better then my daughter." He stopped and glanced at Carly, glaring a bit, before going back to his speech. "He created his own little family with his neighbors, being a father figure, not only to his sister, but to two other amazing teens. I am grateful that I had such an amazing son and I will miss him dearly."

He stepped away from the stand and the next person went up.

Three more people went up before I finally found the girl I've been looking for. Sam stood at the front, holding a piece of paper, then began to speak.

"Spencer wasn't related to me in any way, but he was the closest thing I had to family. He protected me like a brother, taught me right from wrong like a mother and loved me like a father. He was there for me through some of my darkest times, and that made it hurt more when he broke up with me."

Wait, what? Sam dated Spencer?

"We kept our relationship secret and I did love him, but not like a boyfriend. More of a brother. R.I.P Spencer Shay. I will never forget you and I will always love you." She wiped away a tear and looked at the crowd. Then for the first time today, she made eye contact with me. She looked like she was eternaly battling with herself over something before she sighed and gave me a small smile before taking her seat.

The ceremony ended and everyone went to the club for a meal. I caught Sam walking towards it so I caught up with her.

"Hey!" I breathed.

She turned around and smiled a bit at me. "Hi!"

"You look good."

"Thanks, you too. Have you been lifting weights?"

"Yeah, it's a good thing to take my anger out on."

"Anger?"

"Well, not just anger. Stress as well."

"Do I cause you stress?" She looked extremely guilty and I gave her a sympathetic look.

I hesitated before answering honestly. "You did. I missed you every day, but then I learnt to deal with life without you. I mean, I did it for two years but it wasn't as bad because I wasn't as in love with you as I am now."

"I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch. I thought of ringing you, but I couldn't be reminded of everything. I fell into a bit of depression in the time we were apart."

I worried. "How bad was it?"

She pulled up her sleeve, revealing the many cuts and scars. I was horrified.

"Y-you self-harmed?"

She smiled sadly. "Yeah, I just didn't like my life. But I'm getting better slowly. I've had a lot of support from Cat and Dice."

My shoulders dropped. "Oh yeah, Dice...."

She chuckled slightly, " Don't worry. We didn't get back together. Do you really think I could get with someone after everything we went through?"

"So, did you achieve your goal?"

She shook her head sadly. "I didn't find him. I didn't patch anything up with my family. I ended up making it worse. They disowned me. That was part of the reason I started cutting."

I put my hand gently on her shoulder and looked deep into her eyes. "Sam. You know how I feel about you. I love you so much and I'm always here for you. Do you maybe want to finally get together now you've had a break?"

She looked sadly at me and I knew then it was bad news. "I love you too Freddie. So much. But we can't be together just now. I'm going to rehab to sort myself out and get out of my depression. I'll be there for a year. I can't make you wait for me, it wouldn't be fair. Maybe in the future we will find each other again, but not now."

I sighed. "Ok. I respect you enough to let you do what you need to do. Just know I will be waiting for you. I will never love anyone as much as I love you!"

She smiled and kissed my cheek before looking into my eyes. "Goodbye Freddie."

I watched her walk away and smiled sadly. Maybe we had bad timing and maybe we wouldn't ever be perfect, but we belong together and I knew, eventually, we would find our way home.

A/N
Omg. There is only one more chapter left before the epilogue. I love this story and it makes me cry a lot. Hopefully this was a good chapter.

I have made a trailer for this book. You can find it on YouTube. I have added it on the top with the quote.

Bye guys Xx