Complications (Hans and Elsa)

0.15 Come Home

"Everything I can't be is everything you should be.
And that's why I need you here with me."

---

All she could hear was the click of his door – albeit as subtle as a needle falling on a carpeted floor – as everything right in front of her collapsed on her feet. She leaned on her door and slowly sunk down as she felt that ache tugging at the center of her chest, telling her that she was finally shut out by the only man she could ever love. She brought her cold hands to her face as she shook, and as her world had turned as black as the darkness lingering in the fathomless nights. No tears threatened to escape as a small whimper of pain resonated through the empty halls. Her eyes were bleary as she brought her knees to her chest, and placed her chin on top of them, embracing herself, trying to find comfort in the coldness her body could only offer her. She tilted her head as she watched the clock tick slowly, as she waited, and waited, and waited for him to open the door for her just like he used to. But there was no he used to anymore, for she had seen that he was tired of chasing her and was tired of getting his heart broken over and over and over again.

Just watching the hours tick by,

She closed her eyes as she shook her head and refused to lull herself with that song she so resented. It only reminded her of what she was only capable of – besides turning her loved ones into a block of ice – and it was shutting people out, pushing people away to the extent that she hadn’t only hurt herself, but the people around her as well. And likewise thirteen years ago, she wouldn’t do anything about it – not a measly thing to avoid it from happening, because all she had ever known, all she had ever learned from those cold walls were to push people away, to prevent herself from feeling, and to conceal. Shutting people out from her life was her forte, not keeping people. It was her curse, and maybe she was meant to stay that way, to be unloved, to be alone.

Do you want to build a snowman?

She found herself then leaned on his door, her hand braced on a knock, as she bit her lip in desperation. But who was she to pester him again with those feelings he was overwhelmed with? If he was trying to forget, who was she to bring back those memories selfishly? And maybe that was the problem. She was being too selfish again. She was trying to bring him back for herself, and not for his and neither the baby’s. Because she couldn’t take the pain anymore, because she just couldn’t stop her damn heart from beating, from breaking, from destroying whatever was left of Elsa. But maybe for once, for a change she hadn’t yet experienced, that it was best to actually feel how it goddamn feels to be the one who is being shut out, pushed away, and beaten. Maybe it was time for her to accept that things will never go her way; that she has to feel this pain that was pressing on her, that was trampling her like a horse on a small delicate bug. And if it was time for her to feel, shouldn’t she be out there working her way through what she had missed, working her way through the paperwork that was beginning to pile up her desk.

She has to get on with life even if she can’t. She can’t hide forever. She just can’t.  She sniffled as she stood up slowly, her knees buckling, her body protesting. She pressed her hand on the door’s handle as she refused to waste her time pondering over and over of what had happened between them, of what was left unsaid. She straightened the skirts of her dress as she bit back a whimper and turned her back from the door, refusing to look back at what she had decided to leave without a second thought and walked away as gracefully as she could.

He opened the door when he heard her small whimper, his cheeks stained with tears and flushed with sorrow. “Elsa?” He called out, but his voice was too raw, too soft to be heard over the distance that was set between them.