Amazing joke book

Longer jokes

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris beats rock, paper, and scissors.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happes to misspell a word, Webster

simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

A mother took her little boy to church.

While in church the little boy said,

"Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not

appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have

to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday,

the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his

father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said,

"Okay, just whisper in my ear."

FUNNY REAL SIGNS

A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go downhill the

fastest.

A sign on a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your

home."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in

multi-packs."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They

won't last an hour!"

In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on

fire and take appropriate action."

Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"

Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed

up."

Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)."

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When

they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his

grandpa's room.

"Grandpa, Grandpa!" he says excitedly, "As soon as

Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said his

grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog because Grandma said that as soon as

you croak, we're going to Disneyland!!!"