No Matter What

Based on 'On my Way'

Warning: Mentions of suicide

The two boys were lying on Blaine's bed. They had been there for over an hour, just lying in silence. They didn't need to talk to know what the other was thinking.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said quietly. Okay, maybe they didn't know exactly what the other was thinking.

"Why are you apologizing?" Blaine asked, confused.

"I know when you told me a couple days ago that your parents would be away all night tonight and asked me to come over that you had something different in mind," Kurt replied.

"Kurt, no matter what we're doing, I just want to spend time with you," Blaine said, "Besides, a couple days ago everything was normal."

"I wish everything was still normal," Kurt whispered, a few tears running down his cheeks.

"Me too baby, me too," Blaine said.

"I knew what Mr. Schue was talking about earlier," Kurt said, "About having that thing that'll push you over the edge." Blaine was silent for a moment as he tried to process what Kurt had said.

"Kurt, do you mean what I think you mean?" he asked quietly.

"I thought about it last year and... I tried it in freshman year," Kurt admitted and Blaine sat up, shocked.

"You tried it? As in..."

"I tried to kill myself," Kurt whispered, "It was just shortly after I'd started at McKinley and it was horrible. I had always been bullied in elementary school, but as soon as I went into high school it was like there was a giant neon sign about my head saying: "Shove Me!" I got daily dumpster dives, slushy facials, locker shoves, and I just didn't understand why. I didn't understand why everyone hated me so much. One day after school, I was walking home. My dad usually picked me up, but he was on a job and I had to walk. I was about halfway home when I was jumped. It was most of the senior and junior members of the football team and they were all about three times bigger than me. They beat me up and then left me lying in the middle of the park."

"It took me ages to get home, and by the time I did it was so late my dad was already home. He was freaking out because he didn't know where I was and then when he saw me he just.... God, Blaine, he cried. My dad cried. I was crying and he told me everything would be fine. But it wasn't, and I just didn't know what to do. I just knew that I couldn't hurt him anymore. So... that night after he'd gone to bed, and I had convinced him that I would fine on my own for the night, I took apart one of the razors in the bathroom. I guess my dad decided to have one last go at getting me to stay with him for the night because he came down only a couple minutes later. He was crying and screaming for help and he called 911. At first I was angry with myself for hurting him again, but he wasn't mad at me. He told me he loved me and that he couldn't bear to lose me. That was when I started helping at the garage more. I didn't want to be on my own and my dad had promised to keep me safe. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Kurt glanced at Blaine and saw that the shorter boy had tears streaming down his face.

"Don't be sorry, okay?" Blaine said, "Just promise me you'll talk to me from now before it ever gets that bad."

"I promise," Blaine assured him, "The only other time I felt like that was last year and..."

"What is it baby?" Blaine encouraged, "What changed?"

"You," Kurt looked at him, "I met you and everything changed. You saved me Blaine." Blaine closed his eyes and when he opened them again he saw Kurt looking at him.

"I love you Kurt," he said, "Thank you for telling me." Blaine leaned forward and hugged his boyfriend tightly.

"Now I think I should tell you something too." Kurt looked at him questioningly and Blaine took a deep breathe.

"I could relate to Mr. Schue's story too." Kurt's eyes went wide and Blaine paused for a moment before he started his story.

"It was right after the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I didn't know how to deal with what had happened. I was miserable, I was in pain, my only friend decided hanging out with me wasn't worth getting beat up again, and I just... couldn't deal with it. I was at home one day and I thought I was alone. I sat on my bed crying and swallowed a bottle of pills. My brother was home and he came into my room to ask me something. He saw me crying, saw the pill bottle, and stuck his finger down my throat. It was disgusting, but he saved my life. He's the only person in my family that really cares about me." Blaine looked up from where he had been staring at his lap and saw Kurt had tears streaming down his face.

"I guess we both had stories we hadn't told each other yet," Blaine said with a laugh.

"I'm sure there will be plenty more too," Kurt said as he scooted closer to Blaine, "And no matter what happens, or what we tell each other, I'll always love you." Blaine smiled at his boyfriend and gently pulled him only his lap.

"I'll always love you too," he said quietly, "No matter what."

Just an idea I had after watching 'On my Way' cause Kurt looked close to a breakdown when Mr. Schue was talking to them in the auditorium.

This was going to be a one shot, but if people would be interested I was thinking about writing Kurt's and Blaine's attempts. Let me know what you think!

Thanks for reading!