I stared at the ceiling in my spacious bathroom. I was kicked back in the tub, letting my mind run deep. I thought about what was growing between me and Toni. She was a different breed, and she wasn't for bullshit. The two of us were dramatically different when it came to how we approached our sexuality. Toni was very open and her parents knew, I've met them on plenty of occasions. But my parents, they didn't know. They just assumed that we were friends but that wasn't true. Even when I used to have sleepovers over there, I would always invite Toni. I loved her company, I loved the person that she was. Being with her made me want to be better than I could be, I wanted to reach beyond the stars being with her.
I honestly think that conflict sets in when I start talking to these girls and they want me to be upfront with my parents. Yes, I was grown and yes I lived on my own and paid my own bills but I still knew my parents would have something to say. Having a daughter that was gay was a game charger, having a gay child period was a game changer. I wasn't gonna change myself to make anyone else happy, and dating girls was just something I wanted to do.
Dating women was way different from being with a man. They understood you because they were a woman as well. Not only that but I just loved what they could do for me. I didn't care if everyone thought that it was wrong, I loved it. It made me feel good, it made me feel different. Woman just took me to a whole other level, I got a different high from a woman than I did with a man. I could hang out and have great guy friends, but being in a relationship with a guy was a no go for me. Sex with men was good, real good if you found the right man but I just wasn't up for the bullshit that they came with.
I remember being young and first realized that I liked girls. I was about twelve. I know y'all probably like "how in the hell she been liking girls since she's been twelve?" Easy bitch, just like y'all fast asses been in these boys face, the girls been in mines. I never took the flirting serious from the girls until I was sixteen, I went to my first party.. It was this fine girl in there, Rhonda. She had all them other girls beat and it was like she didn't even have to try.
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I was new to Miami Beach high school, and I was just touching the tenth grade. I was mad that whole day because we had really moved and I thought that my parents were lying. My mom was a successful lawyer and my father just got a transfer job to Miami Dade Police department. Anyways, my mom had already gotten me registered and all so the morning we arrived was my first day. I thought maybe I wouldn't have to go due to the jet lag but that didn't work with her. She wasted no time getting me over to the school to make sure that I was on time.
That's the first day I met Rhonda. She practically chased me around but I still wasn't checking for her. I was new to this school and I had no friends but she was just intrigued with getting to know me. After being there for a couple weeks I finally gave her what she wanted and we exchanged numbers and then we started fucking with each other. Sex between the both of us were heavy but at one point I caught feelings. We always said that we would keep things "simple" but I honestly think that she said that because I wasn't open to my parents yet. I tried everything to get her to be my girlfriend but nothing worked. I guess it was for the best though, considering she would never let me please her but she always pleased me.
